It’s a strange phenomenon, isn’t it. I have never really considered just how reliant upon it I am, until it’s gone.
It’s almost embarrassing to realise just how much not having the Internet affects me.
From the simplest everyday task such as checking the weather; to the more vital facts of life such as passing my university degree or publishing my magazine, I am lost without The Net.
I mean, seriously, all I can do on my phone now is take pictures, send messages and make calls. Oh, the humanity.
Why have you forsaken me?
As I mentioned in my frantic post yesterday, In Which I Rant, it appears that we will not be connected to the Internet for at least two weeks. I won’t go into details about my level of frustration, suffice to say that it appears I have a far more extensive curse word…
Since the football season is upon us here is the Eleventh installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.
10. When invited to a football party, do not show up in your favorite team’s uniform if the game that is being watched does not include your team. You will immediately let your host know that you have no interest in the game and that you only came to drink up the beer and eat as much of the food as possible.
9. When invited to a football party and asked to bring a dish, do not think you are fulfilling the host’s wish by hauling in a big bag of store bought popcorn and liter of diet soda. Actually, you won’t be fulfilling anyone’s wish with that contribution.
8. When invited to a football party and you are welcome to bring a guest, do not think this includes a stranger you grabbed off the street or a distant member of your family. The host probably intended you to bring a date or spouse and won’t appreciate feeding extraneous random people.
7. When invited to a football party and the host has no intention of starting a gambling pool, do not think it is your duty to correct what you think is an oversight. The host probably doesn’t want to put his guests on the spot to cough up a twenty which they will ultimately lose.
6. When invited to a football party and none of the guests seem to understand fantasy football, allow them to remain blissfully unaware of the intricacies and complexity of the game that you and your office mates play every week.
5. When invited to a football party and you see that the host does not have a fifty-inch HDTV, do not offer to buy everyone a drink at the local sports bar just because it has four such TVs. Your tab may wind up more than you can afford and your host may wind up wrapping one of the TVs around your head.
4. When invited to a football party and the host does not have your brand of beer, do not turn up your nose and declare loudly: “well if you don’t have any I’ll just have water.” Go ahead and sacrifice your delicate taste buds on the beer that resembles carbonated defrost that your host is serving. After all, you don’t need to drink a barrel of it, although a barrel may be what you need to forget why you cared.
3. When invited to a football party and you need to describe a great play, do not pick up a curio and ask that the crowd to imagine it as the football. It may be that the curio you just passed into the kitchen and that was dropped by your wide receiver was a Faberge egg handed down by your host’s great-great-great-grandmother.
2. When invited to a football party and you realize the game is the most boring thing you have ever watched, do not pick up the remote and change the channel to a movie. You just may offend not only your host but the rest of the party as well. They may be reminded of the time the TV network cut off the last two minutes of the Super Bowl to air the move Heidi. You chance vigilante action.
1. When invited to a football party and the game is over, it should be your signal to leave. Do not wait for your host to switch off the TV and start clearing the living room of empty beer cups, pizza boxes and paper plates of gnawed chicken wings. Your host is not making room for you and your guest to spend the night on the couch. They really want you to return to your own couch no matter what they say.
My (long) short story in response to the Community Storyboard’s September 8 Writing Prompt has been awarded a “Featured Post” badge! And I am sharing this distinction with my pal and partner in blogging, John W. Howell at Fiction Favorites. You can read John’s writing prompt response here.
Now all you other writers out there, make a visit to The Community Storyboard, submit a story, a poem, a photo, an essay to that week’s writing prompt, and you too may become a recipient of the CSB Featured Post badge! There’s a new prompt every Sunday, lasting for the whole week. Join in the fun!
Kohler, our favorite source for plumbing fixtures, has a stately, comfort height, two piece, round front new toilet available, so what do they call it? Kohler Memoirs (c). Here at the Brevity corporate towers, we plan to redo the executive washroom immediately.
Welcome to an interview with John W. Howell, author of a new novel (working title: My GRL) soon to be published by Martin Sisters Publishing. John is also an editor at The Community Storyboard, a student of the haiku, a short story writer when he is not writing haikus or working on his next novel, and is my “partner in crime” in producing a weekly Top Ten List of Things Not To Do at both his blog, Fiction Favorites, and my own, 1WriteWay. John worked for 40-plus years in the private sector world before taking up writing full-time and is currently undergoing “margarita therapy” in an effort to overcome the unpleasant memories he has from that long, painful experience.
M: John, thank you so much for agreeing to be interviewed. Of course, I wanted to return the favor since you had interviewed me not too long ago. And I do need to return this margarita glass that I inadvertently took with me when we last met. All that aside, I am very interested in your writing, how it all came about and where you want your writing career to go from here.
J: Marie, it’s a pleasure to be here. Thanks for returning the margarita glass. It was getting embarrassing to have to serve the odd margarita in a mason jar. Aren’t you going to offer me anything?
M: Oh, of course, my manners. I’m no good at mixing drinks so …
J: I’ll have some hot tea. I have a long drive back.
M: A pot of hot tea coming up. Be careful where you sit. There may be a cat on the chair.
J: Thanks for the warning. Since I have two cats as well and know they don’t like to be disturbed. Perhaps if you could just find me a chair without a cat in it.
M: Here you go. OK, let’s get started. So, elsewhere you’ve said that you worked for over 40 years in the business sector. If it’s not too painful, could you talk a bit about what you did, what your occupation was?
J: Yes, Marie (takes sip of tea). I actually had three separate careers. The first was in consumer marketing and sales where I worked for over twenty-two years. In that time I started as a section sales person and finished as President of a consumer healthcare division. The second career was as a consultant in consumer marketing. I worked as an independent consultant for about five years and then for my third career started when I was hired by one of my clients. The client was a major telecommunications company and I started as a cube dweller and worked for about fifteen years and finished as a director. I retired and began writing full time in 2012.
M: That’s really interesting! Has any of this experience influence or play a part in your writing?
J: I have a reoccurring character named Frank who embodies all the arrogance I witnessed by upper management when I was working. You know the attitude, believing everyone else is less than equal and not quite as smart. I am slowly torturing Frank by giving him a life that he loves mixed with a life of a homeless person. I do this in various stages of his dreams. So whenever Frank goes to sleep he wakes up under a different situation and the beauty is he remembers the previous dream and is in agony. I love it.
M: And you wrote a short story about Frank that received an Honorable Mention from Writer’s Digest in their Popular Fiction Contest. Our readers can enjoy “Cold Night Out” on the Community Storyboard. Congratulations on that award. So now you are retired from the business world. What prompted you to take up writing? Had you done any writing while you were employed before?
J: I actually did a fair amount of contract writing on my last job. I became very interested in the creative process which I then infused into the contracts I was creating. I was able to have living documents that two parties could embrace. It was this experience that got me to the keyboard so to speak. I finished my first book while still working. I printed it off and it is now holding the laundry room door open which seems the best purpose for a 122,000 word piece of trash.
M: I think a lot of us may feel the same way about our first novels. You’ve said that Kurt Vonnegut is a writer you look up to and that Catch-22 by Joseph Heller is the book that got you interested in reading. Do you have any other literary influences?
J: In college I studied comparative literature and part of the curriculum was a concentration on the classics. I guess if I were to pick another influence it would have to be Stephen Crain who wrote The Red Badge of Courage. It was not only a compelling story but also reflects the inner experience of its protagonist. This inner experience or feeling I continually bring out in my characters. One of the reasons I like to write in the first person is that my protagonist has the responsibility of interpreting the scenes around him and then explaining those scenes to the reader. This makes a story not so much as an external circumstance driving the protagonist but an inner conflict that is causing the behavior.
M: And it makes for a compelling story, much like “Cold Night Out” where the reader only knows as much as Frank knows. Let’s talk about Haikus. When did you start writing Haikus? You know, you are quite the master. For our readers, many of John’s haikus are featured on The Community Storyboard.
J: Oh, Marie, you are so nice to say Master, but I am a humble student. I was challenged by a fellow blogger who you know as Kirsten to bring some of my poetry out of the closet (so to speak). I had a great fear of being laughed out of the blogosphere with some of them. I started studying the various forms and somehow fell into Haiku since it comes close to my natural writing style. I practiced and read a lot about Haiku and so I guess I learned with a hands on method. Here is one for you:
Marie is the best, Truly cares for all near her . . . Secret of her smile.
M: (blushing) John, that is lovely and so sweet of you. Thank you. Here, have some tea (clears throat and sniffs). Now, I understand that My GRL is will be published by Martin Sisters Publishing. How did that come about? How has your experience with Martin Sisters been so far?
J: I finished the book and then went through the query process to find an agent. After about two months of no response, I went on line and looked up publishers who would take a chance on first time authors. Martin Sisters Publishing and a number of others came up and since they did not require an agent, I sent a query. They liked my query and asked for that I sign a contract which I was very happy to do. They are very thoughtful and have great respect for writers. I have really enjoyed the experience
M: As you know, many of our fellow writers are self-publishing these days. What are your thoughts on self-publishing? Did you consider self-publishing at all?
J: I was actually going to go the self-publishing route before contracting with Martin Sisters Publishing. I think self-publishing is the way to go if you have some aversion to relinquishing some control over your book. I was very faint of heart when I knew some rights like cover design were now in the hands of the publisher. Martin Sisters also has an option on the next book which I just finished so I am not sure I will be in the self-publish mode for a while. I would like to try it though.
M: Oh, you just finished your second novel? How exciting! Is this a sequel to the first?
J: Yes, it seems the story was too big to fit in one book so I ended the first with some question as to the justice system’s ability to bring the true perpetrator to trial. The second starts off with the protagonist being hailed as a hero and scheduled to appear at the White House for an award. All the while the person behind the original terrorist plot has another in mind and he wants to get his hands on the hero. Many more bullets fly in the next book.
M: Sounds like fun (big smile). So, what is a typical writing day for you? Do you set yourself goals like word or page counts? What needs to happen for you to say that you’ve had a productive and satisfying writing day?
J: My day starts with normal chores like walking dogs etc. By noon I am ready to write. I set a goal for one thousand words for the day on my WIP. Of course with blogs and e-mails I write more than that totally. A successful day to me is moving the story along and working out a twist or plot problem successfully. (Oh and getting all the 150 E-mails put somewhere.)
M: Hmmm, you get a lot of emails, too. Ah, you know, publishing whether it’s self-publishing or traditional publishing is very competitive. Writers who are coming out with their first novels or short stories may feel overwhelmed or intimidated by the marketplace. Do you have any advice for writers who aspire to be published authors?
J: Anyone who wants to be published needs to understand that the work is hard and the result needs to be a personal goal not driven by some other person. Given that understanding, the writer needs to write every day. It really doesn’t matter how much but every day is a must.
M: Well, John, that’s great advice. I agree that writing everyday, even if it’s just an email in response to 150 emails, is worth doing. I want to thank you again for taking the time for this interview. I know I am one of many others who are eagerly awaiting the publication of your first novel. I assume you will announce it on your blog, which again is Fiction Favorites. Would you like some more tea before you head back?
J: Marie, it was my pleasure to be interviewed by you. You have a lovely new kitchen and I must say your cats are well-behaved. Yes, I would love some more tea.
Well, that’s it, folks! My first interview with Haiku student (master), novelist, blogger, and all-around great guy, John W. Howell. Be sure to follow his blog Fiction Favorites. And please stay tuned for more interviews by 1WriteWay.
Seumas gets some unexpected but well-deserved recognition as “that author fella”. Albeit from a young man in an elevator, but his story gave a boost to my morning just to hear his pleasure in the acknowledgment. And also #TBSU ;)
…they say there are three stages in the Life of Man… childhood,adulthood, and ‘my WURD, ye are looking well‘… some even aver that the grand old age of 60 is ‘the new 40’… shuffle it as I may, there’s no escaping the evidence on the passport… this ol’ Jurassic’s early years encompassed the miracle of music that was the BEATLES and all the trillion beat groups that sprung up on the back of their phenomenal success (we didn’t call them ‘bands’ back then)… I was a teenager when the moment struck, known as ‘where were you when JFK, etc’... soccer player transfers and baseball team salaries didn’t cost the price of the Gross National Product of medium-sized countries… and ye had to move off yer seat to change a television channel… so, I’ve been around a wee while now… in a varied career in…
You have probably heard of Dracula, but perhaps not of Varney the Vampire. In this podcast, recorded at the Late Summer Lecture Series, Lauren Owen introduces this nineteenth-century character who appeared in a nineteenth-century “penny dreadful.” She suggests that a modern equivalent to Varney can be found in Thomas Harris’s compelling serial killer, Hannibal Lecter.
Lauren starts by examining the importance of Varney, the Vampyreas a piece of vampire literature, and suggests that Varney, despite his self-pity, ineffectiveness, and dubious supernatural status, is a vampire worthy of attention.
Varney is a vulgar tale:unlike earlier vampire tales, like John William Polidori’s “The Vampyre” (1819), Varney does not pretend to high art. Instead it is funny, preposterous, repetitive, and quite evidently written to entertain. Varney himself is a lover of adventure and romance – this is the only thing that keeps him tied to humanity.
I am making this post as a public service announcement. I just want to encourage all of my fellow readers and bloggers who are Goodreads members to disengage from attacking authors on the site. In the past couple of days, I have seen several Facebook posts by authors of different genres who have mentioned being attacked by readers. ‘Readers’ are one-starring pre-released books or dive bombing every book the author has ever written with one-star reviews. Why? Because these ‘readers’ feel as if the author has made some reprehensible infraction against the world of literature as a whole *eye roll*. I know…dramatic, right? But sadly, it’s true. The internet trolls have now taken up residence on Goodreads. They are pollinating the site with their vitriol against authors and fellow readers who might support the author or their book(s). At some point, we as a community of readers and authors…
I am making this post as a public service announcement. I just want to encourage all of my fellow readers and bloggers who are Goodreads members to disengage from attacking authors on the site. In the past couple of days, I have seen several Facebook posts by authors of different genres who have mentioned being attacked by readers. ‘Readers’ are one-starring pre-released books or dive bombing every book the author has ever written with one-star reviews. Why? Because these ‘readers’ feel as if the author has made some reprehensible infraction against the world of literature as a whole *eye roll*. I know…dramatic, right? But sadly, it’s true. The internet trolls have now taken up residence on Goodreads. They are pollinating the site with their vitriol against authors and fellow readers who might support the author or their book(s). At some point, we as a community of readers and authors…
Marie at 1 Write Way 