About a month ago, I pledged to The Writer’s Rebel Creed 2014, developed by Sheri A. Larsen, in collaboration with followers of her blog.  (If you want to “pledge,” all you need to do is sign up on her blog by clicking here.)

Now, the Creed is not terribly hard to follow, at least at first blush.  But by my estimations, I’m not doing so good.  Of course, with my rebellious nature, I’m all too frequently breaking my own promises to myself.  Maybe I should have developed my own creed:  pledging to not write at all, to have no belief in my abilities, and to be chicken-sh*t in writing something new.

Now, if I can be allowed to consider commenting on other blogs as writing, then I have been writing regularly.  Yea!

Oops, I think I hear some people calling “Foul!”  Okay, so I need to improve in that area.

The thing is, I’m still sitting on a fence about my novel writing.  I wrote my first novel in 2007 and the next four in 2012 and 2013.  All of them were written during NaNoWriMo events and all are first or second drafts.  I’ve started reading the first draft of one novel, and then got derailed about halfway through.  It’s not bad (it’s a first draft, for crying out loud), but the whole concept of novel writing intimidates me.  I have to create a world, one that is believable even if fictional.  It’s a daunting task and I still wonder whether I’m up to it.

Which leads to my wavering belief in my abilities.  Which,  in truth, is just another day in the life of moi.  Every so often, a fellow blogger/writer pumps my head full of self-esteem (with a good measure of hot air) as Helena Hann-Basquiat did in her post here, but eventually I fall back to earth (and on my ass)  and consider my abilities to be figments of my imagination (yes, I know, it’s circular thinking).

But then I write something NEW, something that takes even me off-guard, and all because of a discussion of mashed potatoes on Jill Weatherholt’s blog.

As far as trusting in the beauty of revisions, well, I’ve already mentioned that I’m merely halfway through just reading the first draft of one of my novels.  Enough said there.

For now and the foreseeable future, I’m eschewing bettering my marketing skills since I have nothing to market.  I’m not even really trying to “grow a base” as much as just hang with the awesome community that has grown around me.

Finally, giving back to my community?  Supporting other writers?  I see those two items so closely related that I won’t try to address them separately.  I’ll just say that supporting other writers is perhaps the most fun thing I do on my blog.  It’s actually the one constant thing (aside from my Mondays with John) that gives meaning to my blog.

Now, I’m not feeling sorry for myself.  I’m not trying to milk sympathy or garner more boosts to my ego than I’ve already been given (although if you really want to compliment, go for it!).  I’m just feeling very matter-of-fact, very grounded actually.  I think it’s a good thing that I question my novel writing.  And it’s a good thing that I’m acknowledging that I haven’t spent as much time writing as I initially intended.  The stories are there; they’re just floating around in my head.  When I’m ready, and only then, I’ll pick up that half-read novel or jot down some of those ideas.

In the meantime, I have some writers to support, a community to give back to, and some blogs to comment on.  Who knows?  Maybe I’ll get inspired by a discussion on why avocado is so often an ingredient in sushi rolls.

So, what about you?  How are you doing with your writing/blogging/marketing commitments?  Do you get disappointed when your favorite sushi roll has avocado in it?

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