Marie at 1 Write Way

A Tale of Two Micro-fictions

Adult gray cat with green eyes, looking upward. Standing on a brown rug.

Last time you all saw me here, I shared a recently published micro-story of mine from Flash Fiction Friday. My submission had to be 100 words or less. I “complained” that a longer version of the story was better. But now I’m not sure if either version is particularly good. You be the judge because that’s what readers do.

Original, 147-word version, untitled:

The dinner party was in full swing. Six women sat around the small table with glasses of wine and plates dirty with scrapes of spaghetti. Megan, the seventh woman, sat at the end of the table, blocked by her best friend. Megan watched as her hands became translucent. Conversation revolved around when Dawn and her friends were in college, long before Megan met Dawn at work and latched onto her as one would a lifesaver.

Dawn had wanted to come to this party, see her old friends, but wouldn’t come without Megan. “I’ll go if you go,” she said. “I don’t want to go alone.”

Megan watched as her hands, arms, and body slowly disappeared, replaced by quivering energy. She rose, the women deep in reminiscences of bygone camping trips, walked through them, the women twitching only a little as she passed by and out the front door.

The edited, 100-word version at Flash Fiction Friday is here: Invisible.

Update on Junior: First, he’s fine. But earlier in the week he seemed to take a turn for the worse with lethargy and copious discharges from his nose. When he turned away from his breakfast on Wednesday, I called the hospital, in a bit of a panic and demanded asked if he could see Dr. C as soon as possible. Dr. C is Junior’s primary vet; she knows him well. The new vet, nil. We got an appointment for the next morning, and I elected to stop the stereroidal nosedrops. I mean, if he’s having worse symptoms after two+ weeks, then surely the medication is not helping. He slept most of the day and by evening was starting to eat again. Plus the nasal discharge had slowed.

We love Dr. C. She’s bright and bubbly, doesn’t shy away from talking about tough issues but doesn’t jump to conclusions either. She did a nasal swab and ordered a culture (we’re still waiting for results). Generally, though, she suspects Junior is just one of those kitties that develops chronic rhinusitis that will sometimes respond to treatment and sometimes won’t. The condition is not life threatening, but is something to stay on top of.

While Dr. C had Junior in the back of the clinic for the nasal swab, she took advantage of the fact that he has no teeth and stuck her finger in his mouth to palpate his soft palate for a tumor. Nothing. Then she took a bulb syringe and sucked a bunch of snot out of his nose. She showed us his snot.

We love Dr. C.

While we’re waiting on the culture results, we have him on antihistamines again. Aside from a super cruddy nose in the morning, which I clean up with wet paper towels and Q-tips, you wouldn’t know anything was amiss with Junior.

Adult gray cat with green eyes, looking upward. Standing on a brown rug.
My green-eyed boy.

On Instagram recently, I shared a couple of photos of butterfly larvae that’s taken residence in our passionflower vine. We’ve counted at least 11 of these critters. We’re excited that we might truly have our own “butterfly garden” soon.

More butterfly larvae
Butterfly larvae

It wasn’t easy but I also managed to film a Gulf Fritillary flitting around the passionflower vine. This is what the larvae should develop into.

Other than stressing out over Junior and taking photographs, I’ve been weaving a scarf on my new toy: an Ashford Knitter’s Loom. It will be a long while before I share any photos of that adventure. My husband is impressed with the result but, to be honest, I almost ruined the project before I even started it. I remembered why I eventually gave up weaving. Some of the work is tedious and involves … math. But weaving by itself is a joy and worth the tedium of warping and angst of math.

Thank you for reading! Here’s a photo of Raji from this morning in his favorite sleeping pose … except here he is giving me the stink-eye for waking him.

Yellow tabby lying on his back on the couch, next to a window.
Raji and his rabbit feet.

 

Marie A Bailey

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39 responses to “A Tale of Two Micro-fictions”

  1. I don’t know if it will be the case with you, but the caterpillars ate our passion flower vine down to the nub–that’s what they’re supposed to do, of course, it’s their food. But it was kind of an “oh, right” moment for me. The nursery said it would return the next spring, but there on the Mississippi Gulf, it did not. It was the vine that first got me interested in focusing on butterfly-beloved plants in the garden. We so enjoyed the orange butterflies who birthed and called the garden home.

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    • Our vine is still pretty full and lush, but my husband did say that they might eat the whole thing down. Oh, well, we’re enjoying the blooms while they last. Finger crossed that everything rebounds next year if the larvae do eat it up :-)

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  3. A butterfly garden would be lovely to have! I’m glad Junior is doing better. Of the two versions of your microfictin, I think the 100-word one works better to leave an impression on the reader.

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  4. I think I prefer the shorter version!
    Am glad to hear Junior is doing okay and what he has is not life-threatening if a tad gross for you all ;-)
    And looking forward to seeing your creation, too.

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  5. First, I love the dinner party!! You say so much without saying so much. Brava!
    Next, poor little Junior! I’m glad you have a trusted vet. We do, too, and it makes ALL the difference. Get well wishes and hugs to handsome Junior. And Raj is handsome, too!

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    • Thank you for your “vote,” Jill ;-) So far, three votes for the shorter version, one for the longer. Junior does seem to be doing better, at least back to his old behavior even if his nose gets cruddy. Still waiting on the culture test results. Waiting is always my least favorite thing to do ;-) xo

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  7. Although I’m not sure where they are “birthing” I have noticed an abundance of butterflies around here lately. They are a joy to watch… although I wish they’d stay still while I try to get a photograph.

    I’m glad that Junior is feeling better. I enjoyed both versions of your story… maybe the longer one a little better.

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    • Thank you, Janis! I appreciate your feedback on my stories. I love watching butterflies but they are so difficult to photograph. Even taking a video, it’s hard to keep up with them :-)

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    • Thank you, L. Marie! I’m not sure if the culprit is allergies. I used to think so, but his symptoms are limited to the left side of his face and are occurring all year round now. But I think the antihistamines are helping. He still gets crud on his nose, but once that’s wiped away, he looks fine. I think we can look forward to a few more years with Junior :-)

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  10. I’m adding my vote to the shorter version of the story!

    I’m so glad Junior seems to be OK. It is a worry, but probably it is like humans who often get colds.

    Oh, I think the math would probably turn me off the weaving. 😂

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  12. I’m not a good critic. My reviews tend toward “Me like. Good story.” But that said, take this for what it is worth. The shorter version is for some reason more compelling. Neither is bad, but the shorter one grabs me more, it catches that feeling one gets in a group when one does not really belong. So strong a feeling of not belonging that she passes on. Or, at least that’s the way I read it.

    I’m very glad that Junior is doing better. We are still in the ups and downs here with Miss Zoe so I understand that frantic feeling.

    Best of luck with the butterflies and the plants they’re eating. I’d like to have a butterfly garden.

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    • Thank you for your comments, Zazzy. You are an excellent critic :-) Your feedback really helps me understand why you prefer the shorter version of the story, and you’re not alone. Right now, that version is getting the most “votes” :-)

      I wish you the best with Miss Zoe. We’re lucky that Junior is better. It was two years ago when our tuxedo Maxine started to fail. Talk about a roller-coaster. We still haven’t recovered.

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  13. I’m late to this post so I hope Junior is doing better, the poor guy. I love seeing caterpillars emerge as butterflies. I suppose everyone does, but it seems magical to me every time.

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    • Thank you, Ally! Junior is much better. His culture came back normal so at least we’re not having to worry about an infection. Just a snotty nose 🙂 We are enjoying the caterpillars and butterflies. We haven’t been lucky enough to see a transition but just having them around is magical.

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  14. Congrats, Marie!!!! Woohoo! Well, I love both versions. But they are quite different and do different things. If I had to choose, I might choose the shorter version because it does enough to get across that feeling of invisibility in the midst of a crowd.
    How is Junior doing?
    And I love your bugs, too.

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    • Thank you for your vote! Several people have voted for the shorter version 🙂 Junior still has a weepy eye and slightly snotty nose but otherwise is hunky-dory. His culture came back normal so taking antihistamines regularly will be his new normal 😊

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