Marie at 1 Write Way

Here is the 22nd installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.

10.  If you are traveling with your dog by car, refrain from putting your pet in a pet taxi on the roof because there’s no room inside.  At best, it will be a short trip once you realize that the laws of motion sickness dictate a downward flow  over your windshield.  At worst, given your heartless demeanor your family may decide to strap you to the car’s roof on the way home.

9.  If you are traveling with your dog by car, avoid letting your dog drive, no matter how tired you may be and how good a driver you think he is.  At best, your dog will insist on making frequent stops at every fire hydrant he sees. At worst, your dog will confuse the stop and go lights at intersections since they can’t distinguish between red and green, and you will wind up having to explain to your insurance company and the police how your unlicensed operator dog wound up in your driver’s seat with the keys in its paw.

8.  If you are traveling with your dog by car, do not put your dog in the front passenger’s seat wearing sunglasses and clothes just so you can use the carpool lane.  It doesn’t matter how much your dog might look like your spouse.  Chances are you’ll be pulled over by a traffic cop who will then take a photo of your dog, put it up on Facebook tagged with your spouse’s name (which you were stupid enough to give), and you’ll have divorce papers or worse waiting for you when you get home.

7.  If you are traveling with your dog and planning to stay at hotels, be sure the hotel will accommodate pets.  A barking dog is bad enough in a pet-friendly hotel; but in a non-pet-friendly hotel, at best, you’ll be charged double for disturbing your neighbors.  At worst, you and your dog may have to take shelter at a shelter.

6.  If you are traveling with your dog and staying at a pet-friendly hotel, do not think that just because the hotel is pet friendly, everyone else is.  At best, some guests may just asked to be removed from your immediate vicinity due to the incessant (but to your ears, endearing) yapping of your young pug.  At worst, you and your dog may wind up like #7, taking shelter in a shelter.

5.  If you are traveling with your dog by plane, don’t think that just because you taught Hugo, your Great Dane, how to roll up into a ball, you can claim him as carry-on baggage.  At best, Hugo won’t fit under the seat and you’ll have his head in your lap for the whole flight.  At worst, the airport won’t be deceived by your efforts and will have the TSA examine you for other hidden dogs.

4.  If you are traveling with your dog by plane and your dog actually does fit into a soft carry-on bag, do not assume that the flight attendant will appreciate your frequent requests for water, doggie biscuits (because the ones you had on you were confiscated by TSA), or wee-wee pads.  At best, the flight attendant might simply douse you with water and suggest that your dog lick it off you.  At worst, the attendant will be so smitten with your Pomeranian and its pink bow, she  will offer to take her to the galley to feed her and that will be the last you see of either the attendant or your dog.

3.  If you are traveling with your dog by train, do not think that all the other passengers will find it entertaining if you let your dog run up and down the length of the train car for exercise.  At best, your dog might get tired from all the running and you won’t be able to coax him off the train when you reach your destination. At worst, you might find both of you dumped off at the next station, hundreds of miles from your destination as the Siberian winter sets in.

2.  If you want to take a cruise with your dog, do not try to pass your dog off as a service animal in order to sidestep the cruise line’s no pet policy.  While your dog might do quite well at acting the part of a service animal, chances are you will forget which disability you chose.  At best, cruise line staff might start following you around, suspicious that at one moment you claim to be deaf and the next you’re singing along to music from your iPod.  At worst, you might find yourself set in a dinghy tethered to the stern of the ship, while your dog gets to stay on board and play with the cruise line staff for the rest of the trip.

1.  If you are traveling with your dog on a pet-friendly cruise line, take precautions to make sure the cruise line stays pet-friendly.  For example, do not allow your dog to jump into the pool with the other passengers just because your dog loves to swim.  At best, you’ll be made to clean the pool by yourself.  At worst, you may find yourself taking a swim that is a bit longer than across   the pool.