I am back from vacation (and already having problems with WordPress but that’s another post).  And I’m still on hiatus from blogging as I (grudgingly) resume the daily grind.  But when I saw this post from Cate Russell-Cole, I had to break my silence.

It chills me that we might have lost Cate this summer.  I knew she was in pain, but I never knew how bad it was.  I am grateful that she was able to get help and she is still with us, and I hope she will be for a long, long time.

I’ve had times when I considered suicide, although for lesser reasons than Cate.  During a period when I had free access to drugs and alcohol, I leaned toward the “accidental” suicide approach, but I was never “successful.”  And to use Cate’s own words, this is why I’m glad I never was successful:  “If I had taken my life when I first considered it, I would have missed out on getting married, great jobs, knowing and loving some awesome people and so very much more.”

If those attempts had been successful, I would have missed out on meeting my husband which means I would have missed out on celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary.  I would have missed gazing up at the wonder of the Milky Way as it came to life over Mono Lake.  I would have missed hiking up through the cinder and ash of Black Point.  I would have missed days of talking and laughing with our friends of 30+ years.  I would have missed the seediness of San Francisco as well as its glory.  I would have missed coming home and holding each of our cats although none of them like to be held.  I would have missed my husband who is my anchor in all things at all times.  I would have missed each of you.  Cate is right.  Life does get better.  Hang in there and reach out.