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  • Top Ten Things Not to Do When Writing an Amazon Review

    January 12th, 2015

    For all you people who love to write to reviews of anything and everything :) Monday humor from John Howell!

    John W. Howell's avatarFiction Favorites

    a Amazon review

    This week’s list was inspired by reading some Amazon reviews recently. As writers, we always think of Amazon reviews in terms of books. There is a whole other world out there so this includes other categories as well as books. I hope you enjoy.

    Ten Things Not to do When Writing an Amazon Review

    10 When writing an Amazon review, do not think you need to use words no one understands. If you do, at best your review will remain unread and a waste of your time. At worst, you will garner a number of WTF comments and will be notorious for your high-handed use of the language.

    9 When writing an Amazon review, do not review a product or book you haven’t tried or read. If you do, at best your review will look like the others you copied and will be ignored. At worse, you might analyze what…

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  • Patience

    January 10th, 2015

    It’s Saturday and I’m beat after a rather intense work week which includes 1.5 days of jury duty (save that for another post).  I’m sitting at my computer, feeling overwhelmed (per usual) with all the little items on my virtual to-do list.  Where to start?

    What about that pile of New Yorker articles and NY Times Book Reviews that I want to chat about on my blog?

    What about finishing Lorrie Moore‘s short story collection Bark?  (Trivia:  Lorrie Moore’s first name is Marie, we have the birth year, and she was also born in north New York.)

    What about that leftover skein of extrafine Merino yarn that I used to knit my husband a watch cap and scarf (could make another watch cap)?  IMG_0663

    What about cleaning the cats’ litter boxes?

    a cat and a Litter box
    a cat and a Litter box (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

    I’m glad I managed to organize myself enough this morning to drop off return packages for online purchases (remind me to never again try to buy bras or pants online!).

    And what about reading my f***ing novel that I slaved over in November?

    So I did what I always do when I feel overwhelmed.  I went to Facebook.  Well, I don’t always go to Facebook, but this time I did and found a pleasant surprise.  One of my (many) cousins posted a video to my timeline.

    I almost wept while viewing this video.  The artistry of Randi Parkhurst‘s creation took my breath away.  I love paper.  I love books.  I love nested objects, like boxes within boxes within boxes.  What she has created are books within books within books.  I can’t even imagine all the hours, days, weeks that it must taken for her to create this.  Such fine detail.  And I felt like a little kid as Parkhurst opens each book.

    Now, you enjoy the video and I’ll go back to my list.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

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  • Ten Things Not to do In Customer Service Lines

    January 5th, 2015

    What could be more fun than standing in line at customer service? John Howell explains what things NOT to do when you’re stuck at customer service.

    John W. Howell's avatarFiction Favorites

    a custome service

    This list was inspired by standing in line at Wal-Mart to return a screwdriver that broke. I know, why would I buy a screwdriver at Wal-Mart? Long story. Let’s just say it was an emergency purchase that did not go well. I hope you enjoy the list.

    Top Ten Things Not to do in Customer Service.

    10 If you are next at the customer service desk, do not fall asleep. If you do, at best you will get yelled at by the crowd. At worst, you will not hear the word “Next” and will be knocked off your feet by the person behind you. This could lead to a severe injury or worse falling on your returns which could be glass Christmas ornaments.

    9 If you are at the customer service desk, have your receipt ready. If you don’t, at best you will take precious time to find it causing…

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  • 10 Tips for Selling Your Books on Amazon

    January 4th, 2015

    Please, all my indie author friends who are selling their books on Amazon, view this YouTube how-to, courtesy of Cate Russell-Cole, courtesy of Lisa Orrell (http://www.promoteuguru.com/blog/). Lisa lists the bells & whistles that Amazon authors can use to sell their books.

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  • A New Year Begins …

    January 1st, 2015

    Well, it began several hours ago (or longer depending on where YOU live).  And how did I spend the first day of the new year?  Cleaning, doing laundry, reading blog posts, making dal for dinner.  You know, fun stuff.  (Well, making dal is fun in part because I use a slow-cooker.)

    But perhaps the biggest, most important thing I did was close out all the Clemency novel-in-progress posts.  Remember, I said I was going to do this.  Now it remains for me to print the thing story and proceed with *reading, reviewing, editing, repeat from * until finished.

    I do hope everyone has had a Happy New Year’s Eve and an even happier New Year’s Day.

    Cheers!

    Related articles
    • And We Begin … Almost
    • A Word from the Author of Clemency, A Novel in Progress
    • Author’s Note: Post-Clemency

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  • Ten Things Not to Do on New Year’s Eve

    December 29th, 2014

    Prepare yourself for New Year’s Eve by reading this list of things not to do by John Howell!

    John W. Howell's avatarFiction Favorites

    a new years resolution

    Since this is Monday you should expect a Top Ten list. This week will be the same as the others for the last year. YES, here is the Ten Things Not to Do list (although a little late today). This week’s was inspired by a New Year’s Eve party I attended (or maybe many). Not saying if I was a perpetrator of any of these things, but hope you enjoy them.

    Ten Things Not to Do on New Year’s Eve.

    10 On New Year’s Eve, do not try to set a personal record for consumption of alcohol. If you do, at best your evening will close early. At worst, New Year ’s Day will represent your personal purgatory just begging for relief.

    9 On New Year’s Eve, do not set resolutions that you think would be great to accomplish if you were a superhero. If you do, at best you…

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  • Living in the Moment: Alligators and Deer, Oh My!

    December 28th, 2014

    So I am slowly getting back into my old routine.  Well, that’s a lie.  For one thing, I never really had a routine.  For another thing, I hate routine, although I’m often the first person to complain when unexpected things happen.  Usually this time of year, one would expect blog posts on the successes and failures of the past year along with hopes and resolutions for the new year.  Well, not me.  Nope, nope, nope.  Right now I’m just living in the moment.

    After surviving yet another NaNoWriMo and concurrently providing daily posts on the novel-in-progress, surviving what might have been the flu for me and then caring for my husband who definitely had the flu, and managing to keep a low profile during the holidays, I just want to enjoy the moment.  Not really think about the future, which looms bright or dark depending on my mood, and not wanting to dwell on the past that I can’t change.  I had some nice moments yesterday when my husband and I decided to go for a 7-mile walk at the St. Marks National Wildlife Refuge.  It was a beautiful, sunny day, a bit warmer than we expected, but perfect for sighting my favorite reptile:  Alligators.

    First we saw this little guy.

    IMG_0011_5Yes, I mean “relatively” little:  a young one, about 2-3 feet long.  We took several photos, trying to not get too close and scare him off.  This best shot was made possible by my husband’s walking stick which doubles as a monopod (look it up).  He secured my camera to the monopod and, with a 10-second timer, we took turns holding the stick out and over the very obliging reptile.  Of course, his stillness probably had more to do with the bath water temperature of the pool he was in.  That is, rather than enjoying the photo op experience, he just had the most perfect spot and wasn’t about to move for a couple of gawking bipeds.

    We continued on our walk, excited about our pictures while also slightly worried that the young alligator was leaving himself vulnerable to less well-meaning folk.  Then we came upon this guy.

    IMG_0014_4Another young one, although a foot or more longer than the first one.  His teeth were barely noticeable, not yet marring his otherwise pleasant smile.  Still, as you can see, we kept well on our side of the road and didn’t try anything fancy with my camera.  Just a couple of quick shots and lots of smiles and walking backwards until we were a safer distance away.  But only a few feet up the road was yet another sunning gator.

    IMG_0016_4This guy was bigger (almost 6 feet) and had more impressive teeth.  Of course, I couldn’t resist another photo, but by now, we were getting worried.  Each alligator we had so far encountered was bigger than the previous.  What was waiting for us at the turn in the road?

    IMG_0018_4Now, St. Marks is my most favorite place in north Florida, maybe even all of Florida.  The only time I’m not enamored about the Refuge is in summer when it’s very buggy with chiggers and mosquitoes.  So I just don’t go there then.  Across from the shot above, we have the bayou with the mid-afternoon sun giving everything a silvery, shiny effect.

    IMG_0019_4Including the alligators.

    IMG_0024_4This is where I learned that my cheap little camera actually has a telephoto function (thanks to my husband who used it once and figured it out while I’ve had the blasted thing for a year and a half and had no clue).  Due to the camera, this alligator that is roughly 20 yards away, looks so much closer.  This guy I called “Big Daddy” and if we had met him on the road, trust me, we would not have stopped to take pictures.  We would have been running the other way and fast.  We figure this guy to be about 8-10 feet.

    By now I’m like a kid in a candy shop.  I love my alligators, as long as they are in the water and I am on dry land.  And most of them were.

    IMG_0031_4

    You know you want another close-up (via a telephoto lens, of course).

    IMG_0032_4

    And it weren’t all alligators either.  Up from the banks came this attractive specimen of a young stag.  Because we were all surprised, I didn’t have time to point, focus, and shoot.  I simply had to shoot, and this young buck was definitely anxious.

    IMG_0025_4At one point, I thought he was going to charge my husband.

    IMG_0026_4But he just wanted to get by.  Running away from us didn’t seem like an option for him, so we moved closer to the banks to get him more space.  Then we saw what might have startled him to begin with … and it wasn’t us.

    IMG_0037_4Okay, this guy was on MY side of the bayou, but still I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to take a couple of pictures.  Of course, I’m no fool.  Gators aren’t the least interested in eating people.  Unless you’re swimming around in their pond at dusk or night.  Then you’re the fool.  This gator did what they all do when humans get too close:  make a big splash and swim away.

    IMG_0038_4Same guy, but because we were getting into his personal space, he made a big splash and started out across the bayou, away from us.  It was beautiful sight, the shimmery glide of the gator as he made his way across the water, to a low mound where he pulled himself up so he could go back to his sunbathing in peace.  My camera has a movie function, and damn if I did not remember to use it.

    I hope you enjoyed my living-in-the-moment moments.  If I were to make a resolution for next year, and I won’t but if I were to, I’d resolve to have more such moments to share with all of you.

    Happy New Year!

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  • Echoes of Narcissus in the Gardens of Delight by Jo Robinson: Now Available!

    December 23rd, 2014

    Echoes Banner

    Donna thought there was something wrong with her. That she was suffering from a mental illness that has caused her husband to despise her, distance himself from her, and cheat on her. She blames herself for the desolate, miserable thing that is her marriage and her life. Then she comes across a book that will change everything for her, and reading it, she discovers that there’s nothing wrong with her mind at all, but that there is something very wrong with her husband instead. Marco, she realises, is a malignant narcissist. A text book case. He has a real and documented mental disorder, and that he’s been controlling, manipulating, and abusing her for decades. The sudden full knowledge of all that he’s purposely done to her enrages her. Not sure how to leave after thirty years of what she finally knows has been intentional mental and emotional abuse from him, and believing that she has nowhere to turn, being so physically isolated, she bides her time.

    Then she meets and befriends a group of unusual people who share her passion for gardening, and so begins her journey to escape. She joins her new friends in their project to assist elderly people in old age homes care for their small gardens, as well as secretly supplying those suffering from painful and terminal illnesses with medicinal herb and plant remedies, including illegal plants such as cannabis. As weeks go by, she delves into her memories, relearns what it is to be respected, liked, and loved again, and slowly she formulates a plan to safely leave her dangerous husband. But unbeknownst to Donna, Marco is in serious trouble, and has desperate plans of his own, and absolutely no regard for her safety.

    ** This is a work of fiction, but malignant narcissists really do exist, and it is a recognised mental illness. Unfortunately, many people never realise that they are involved with a narcissist, because their actions are so demonically bad as to be unimaginable and unbelievable, and so they spend their lives in misery, depression, fear, and isolation. If only by the accidental reading of a fictional story, I hope that this book will help even one person, unknowingly suffering narcissistic abuse, to realise that they don’t have to, and that it’s never too late to start over, be happy, be fulfilled, to love and care for yourself, and be truly loved and respected by others.

    Narc12349N1T (2)

    Available now from AMAZON

    Jo Robinson very recently returned to her homeland, South Africa, after having lived in rural Zimbabwe for eighteen years. Her obsessive affection for the African continent, most humans, and all creatures feathered and furred are what inspire her writing. She is the author of African Me & Satellite TV, the science-fiction/fantasy series Shadow People, and a couple of short stories, which will be free to download from Amazon from 26 to 30 December, Fly Birdie and The Visitation.

    To win eBook copies of Shadow People and African Me & Satellite TV, send Jo a message from THIS page.

    Jo Robinson Photo.jpg 1.jpg 2

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  • Top Ten Things Not to Do During the Holidays

    December 22nd, 2014

    Ten wonderful (and funny) reasons to not let the Christmas season push you over the edge … into insanity ;) Courtesy of John Howell over at Fiction Favorites.

    John W. Howell's avatarFiction Favorites

    This list is inspired by the holiday season and is as a result of watching the behavior of folks as we get nearer to the final day. As with all my lists there is not much redeeming value here but are designed to (maybe) get a smile. Also, some of these items may seem to be contrary to the spirit of the season but I can assure you they are.

    Ten Things Not to do During the Holiday Season.

    10 During the holidays, do not invite strangers to your home even if the spirit moves you. If you do, at best you may have an awkward moment or two. At worst, you might just wonder what happened to the house full of furniture which was there when you went off to church.

    9 During the holidays do not accidentally drop more money than you intended into the Salvation Army kettle…

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  • Top Ten Things Not to do In The Rain

    December 15th, 2014

    A special “top ten things not to do” list for my friends in California, courtesy of John Howell. Hopefully the rains haven’t washed away your sense of humor :)

    John W. Howell's avatarFiction Favorites

    a rain

    This week’s list was prompted by the huge amount of rainfall that came down in California. I used to live in Sonoma and remember what it was like when the five and six-inch rainfalls hit. Most people are not aware that most of California is a desert and the people living there rely on the winter rainfalls to refill the reservoirs for use in the summer. It has been tough for the last few years since rainfall amounts were not up to levels that could sustain consumption through the summer. The latest round of rain has not eliminated the problem since fast accumulation generally means runoff as opposed to conservation. Our thoughts are with those in California and maybe a chuckle will help a little.

    Top Ten Things Not to do in the Rain

    10 If you are in the rain driving your car, do not engage cruise control. If…

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