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Marie at 1 Write Way

  • Down With COVID-19. Up With Nature and Cats. #MondayBlogs #Nature #Cats

    March 16th, 2020

    My reprieve from the COVID-19 call center was only for a few days. (You can read about my stomach-churning anticipation here and actual experience here.) By Thursday, my division was being asked to ante up again. At one point, my boss wanted me to literally drop everything and high-tail it back to the call center.

    Fortunately for me, I was working on an assignment for her so she relented. I could go Friday instead … and Saturday. I was furious (and I blame my quick temper to a lack of estrogen although I’ve had a quick temper all my life). But I got through my day, went to a yoga class, and by evening was shrugging it off … except for the idea that I might miss visiting my mother who is currently staying with my sister in southwest Florida. We had been told our vacations could be rescinded, and the plan was to go the following weekend.

    After talking it out with my husband, I canceled the trip. My mom is 96 but I have to believe that there’s still time for us to see each other again. I called her, told her I might have to work, and that workplace plans were being changed day-by-day. She understood but she sounded a bit disappointed. Better safe than sorry, I thought, as I rung off. Even though I wouldn’t say it to her–she would only “pooh, pooh” the idea–I didn’t feel that visiting her right now would be the responsible thing to do.

    As it turned out, I only had to work four hours in the call center, but it was a harrowing four hours. The phones–all twenty of them–rang nonstop. I took 53 calls that morning, roughly the same number I took in a full day the week before. I would have taken more but for one bathroom break, and I switched off my phone a couple of times just to catch my breath. The calls were on average five minutes long and, as soon as I replaced the handset, the phone would ring again.

    Some callers were calm, just wanting information, sometimes confirmation that they were doing all the right things. A few callers were angry. One was angry because she witnessed healthcare workers in a respiratory ICU not wearing face masks and gloves. Another caller complained that her child’s school was letting sick children attend classes. Another woman–a caller I won’t soon forget–was desperate for a test. She had no doctor, no health insurance, was new at her job and surrounded by people who regularly traveled. She wasn’t feeling well, and she was an older woman.

    As I gave her the usual spiel about needing a doctor’s order for the test, she became angrier and angrier. Finally she hung up on me. I didn’t take it personally. I would have been angry too. She needed a target and I was willing to oblige.

    Although I already harbored suspicions that my state government was not well-organized in its approach to COVID-19, that morning in the call center turned those suspicions into certainties. After two weeks of addressing COVID-19 we still were getting calls from healthcare providers who didn’t know what to do with patients who might need to be tested. People we had referred to their local county health department called back saying their local county health department was referring them to us. Most callers still thought we were a hotline or that we could arrange testing when all we could do was provide general information.

    I took too many calls from people who said their primary physician refused to see them.

    And, worse, I was given “updated” information regarding testing protocols that conflicted with what I had been told the week before. Information that was not available on the state’s website or in any of the documentation I had originally received from the call center. The woman working next to me hadn’t received the so-called updated information and was, frankly, horrified when I told her what I had been told. Near the end of the morning, I was giving callers more information than they probably needed because I no longer knew what was true and what wasn’t.

    I wasn’t feeling the preparedness in all this.

    After lunch, I returned only to be sent back to my office for the afternoon and foreseeable future. The line for the call center had been moved to a real call center. Far as I know, I won’t be taking any calls from the public, or healthcare providers, or snowbirds whose wings have been clipped.

    The silver lining in all this for me is the rediscovery of Lafayette Park last week. I went there after work on Friday and again on Saturday. It’s a rough but beautiful trail. Here’s a few photos I took over the past two visits.

    The park abounds with large old trees and beautiful flowering bushes.

    One tree I just adore. Its branches are so gnarly and arthritic-looking, we figure it must be in the 400-500 year-old range (don’t quote me). I appreciate that the park elected to tether one of its extensive, low-hanging branches to the trunk rather than lop it off. These next photos are different perspectives of the same tree.

    Friend of the blog, John Howell, recently noted how important it is that we think of our blessings during difficult times. You can read about it here. I’m doing my best, John. Nature is full of blessings for me, as are these critters.

    From a few months ago, when it was chilly. Wendy, Junior, and Max enjoying the sun’s warmth.

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  • 44 Hours in a COVID-19 Call Center #coronavirus #storytelling

    March 11th, 2020

    The good news is I didn’t spend a straight 44 hours in the call center; just five and a half consecutive eight-hour days. So, despite my previous pity party, it all worked out well … eventually.

    [For those of you new to my blog, I work in the public health sector and was recently commandeered to take calls at a center for general information about the coronavirus. Lest you think that is an easy-peasy assignment, I’m a highly sensitive introvert who avoids loud noises and crowded environments … so, yeah, a call center is kind of my worst nightmare.]

    My first day I took only five calls, and some might argue that was a win. So few calls should mean that my time at the call center would be cut short. Eh, we were just getting started, folks, and we were getting plenty of calls. The problem was all the phones (twenty in total) would ring at once but only one person could take that call. It felt like a competition–who can pick up the handset the fastest–and I found myself at times actually cradling the handset in my palm just so I could get at least one more call. Somewhat ironic since I loathe talking on the phone, but then something happened during that first day.

    About thirty years ago, I volunteered for a battered women’s shelter and one of my duties was to work the hotline. I received extensive training for this because, you know, violence and suicide were usually big topics in these calls. As a young teenager, I had availed myself of hotlines, trying to work through dark periods of angst and fatalism that I couldn’t share with my family. I understood how the disembodied voice of a stranger could be a lifeline. During my first day at the center, my old hotline skills started to kick in.

    Also, I hate feeling useless, more than I loathe talking on the phone. When I came back to the call center the following day, I was resolved to figure out a way to take more calls and maybe actually help someone. We got into a rhythm of sorts. Five staff were reassigned to answer emails which made it easier to pick up more calls. Plus, we were getting more calls. Tuesday and Wednesday I logged about 25 and 37 calls, respectively. Thursday and Friday I logged in the high 50s.

    By late Thursday, they set up an “agent routing” system for all the phones. Only one phone would ring at a time, and the incoming calls would be distributed so if my phone rang, it was for me and me only. I probably took the same number of calls, but it was definitely less stressful since I no longer needed to have quick reflexes.

    I listened to all kinds of stories and I share some of them in this essay on Medium: Life Stories from a COVID-19 Call Center. As the confirmed cases of coronavirus rose in Florida, the calls became more predictable: either healthcare workers wanting to know the protocol should any of their patients need to be tested, or people reciting their symptoms to us as if we were a “Call a Doc” service. Toward the end of the week, it was obvious that Florida wasn’t doing a good job of communicating, particularly to healthcare providers.

    The state also failed in providing translation services. I lost a few calls because I could not speak Spanish and the caller could not speak English. The only Spanish speakers in our group were usually already taking calls, and we had no guidance on how to handle non-English speakers. The Florida population is over 25% Hispanic and we also have large Haitian communities as well so we could expect French and Creole speakers. No excuse, Florida, for dropping that ball. It wasn’t until late Thursday that a language translation line was established.

    In my Medium essay, I note that one call in particular haunts me: A young woman who could barely stop coughing long enough to tell me her symptoms, who had recently traveled to Italy, and who had no doctor or health insurance. I didn’t waste time with small talk and quickly gave her the number of her local county health department’s epidemiologist. I was left to wonder if she called them, if she had been able to call and get help. In hindsight, I wish I had taken her phone number and followed up myself with the county health department.

    Hindsight is amazing, isn’t it? I have a whole list of things that should have been done before the call center was even open. I don’t fault the emergency team that worked with us. Their orders were being given on a day-by-day, sometimes an hour-by-hour basis, by leaders with little to no experience in responding to an infectious disease outbreak. The team did the best they could. By the morning of the second day the call center was staying open to 8 pm; by that afternoon, it was changed to midnight. By Thursday, we were told the call center would be open 24/7. I don’t know who took those shifts past 5 pm. I just know it wasn’t me.

    Nature is always my balm during stressful times. After a week at the call center, I decided to visit a park for a quick trail walk on my way home. My husband and I had regularly walked at this park years ago, but I eventually changed my commute home and rarely drove by it any more.

    I was happy to see the park is being well-maintained with so many grand old trees. Aside from the iris (?), all was varying shades of green and brown with a splash of gold from the setting sun. I worked an afternoon shift on Saturday and went to the park again, getting the same lift in my spirits.

    When in Nature, I do a lot of reflecting. Besides that young woman whose painful coughs still ring in my ears, I think about the loneliness I also sensed. Some people called not because they were sick or had recently traveled to Asia or Europe or even knew someone who might be at risk. Some people called just because they wanted to talk and they wanted someone to listen. Some callers had a cure for the virus, some were armchair infectious disease specialists and had insights they wanted me to pass along, and some were simply scared. One woman cried as she said, “I’m in my golden years and I feel like my life is falling apart.”

    Unlike the flu which is fairly predictable in who it affects and how and for how long, the coronavirus is so far unpredictable. It is more contagious than the flu (a person with the flu will infect 1.2 people whereas someone with the coronavirus can infect 2.2 people), but we understand little else about it. What we do know is that it is deadly for the elderly and people with underlying health conditions. While I’m not worried about what the virus might do to me if I became infected, I would worry about infecting others and for that alone, I’m trying to take as many precautions as I can.

    I hope you all will do the same.

    Thank you for reading this far. As your reward, here’s a photo of Maxine. She’s our oldest kitty (16 years old), but I think she looks like a kitten here. She’s not a happy girl as she never likes visiting the vet. We were happy, though, because her UTI appears to have cleared up … for now.

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  • What to Say, What to Do #nature #musing #innerchild #pityparty

    March 2nd, 2020

    I’ve been adrift lately, casting about on some infinite ocean in a small dingy … without oars. A sense that my life is not my own, at least between 8 and 5, Monday through Friday. The child in me rants and rages, risks rocking the boat and drowning. The adult in me stares down at the water, searching for mermaids. The child cries and bangs her head against the seat. The adult peers at the horizon, embracing the earth’s curvature despite the deep-seated fear of falling off the edge of the world. The child pouts and fantasizes about abrupt departures should this boat ever get to land. The adult lies down on her back and gazes up at the clouds, marveling at their cottony and colorful expressions.

    When the going gets tough, the adult grabs the child’s hand and turns to nature.

    But first.

    Earlier this week, I took a walk over to one of the larger ponds (or lakes as the developers prefer them to be known). As usual, I was looking for trash, which I found. But I also found this … a wonderland of sorts. What looks like a river is merely a stream only a few inches wide. I felt like Gulliver standing next to it. As I walked around, I kept my eyes focused on the ground so I wouldn’t step on any Lilliputians.

    My inner child’s imagination took root (pun intended) and I imagined myself a boatman on this mighty river, or an explorer slashing her way through a tropical jungle. In my imagination, I saw before me a humongous body of water (not), and I had to be mindful not to fall into the deep crevasses that scarred the earth.

    The adult in me wished I knew more of botany and could explain this lush vegetation that would not be seen except for the drought. And I wondered at how Nature–with her cyclical bountifulness and barrenness–has a purpose in everything she does.

    Then it rained steadily for two days. I went out again.

    You might have to squint, but yes those are the bathing beauties (aka turtles) that I look forward to seeing on my walks around the smaller ponds. They always slip into the water when I’m on the same side of the pond as they. The third photo is of a depression that only had grassy vegetation for several weeks, until this recent rain. Now water fills Nature’s bowl. A group of wood storks enjoyed the sun on the other side of this new pond, too far away for me to get a decent photo.

    And then there was Friday. I almost didn’t go to work as I had been low energy all week, dragging myself from one meeting-filled day to the next. But I expected it to be a mellow day, with a chance to visit the ponds and the turtles and the birds.

    The child raged when she was told that she would have to spend all of the coming week, 8 hours each day, sitting in a call center, manning phones, reading off a script that might or might not satisfy the caller. After almost a month of looking the other way, Florida has deigned to acknowledge the threat of coronavirus, that maybe–just maybe–providing some (hopefully accurate) information is better than no information. COVID-19 (as the coronavirus is also known) is in the U.S. and the public will want information.

    I am not a health care worker. I am not an epidemiologist. I am not a scientist. All I know about COVID-19 is what anyone who reads the New York Times or the Washington Post or Reuters or The Guardian knows. That said, I just might know more than the White House administration.

    Still. My inner child raged within me while my outer adult sat stoically as my duties were explained to me. Then I said, “I hate telephones.” Granted, I had “volunteered” myself to be assigned to a call center in case of a natural disaster, but I did that only because I was told to sign up for something.

    It’s not that I don’t want to help people. I do like helping people, and you can read about one recent experience I had: When a Stranger Asks You for Help. I just have some trepidation when it comes to being “voluntold,” treated as if I were untrained personnel in the military and am now being called up for active duty. In the past when I’ve had to take calls from the public on behalf of my workplace, I’ve often felt pathetic, armed with only enough information to frustrate both me and the caller.

    Enough of my self-pitying. After the child had exhausted her tantrum, thankfully deep within me while I stood at my window gazing at the blue sky, I decided it was time to go out. I had only walked up the street when I was given a gift. A sure-fire way to lift my spirits and bring balance back into my world is a sighting such as this:

    I am grateful to this bluebird for positioning himself so close to the sliver of moon and then holding his pose long enough for me to get a good photo. (This photo is a cropped enhancement courtesy of my husband.)

    Sights like this make me feel like crying, but in a good way.

    Don’t weep for me, dear Reader. Eh, if the volume of calls is less than expected, I’ll be sent back to my office and will (no doubt) complain about that.

    Just ask Maxine. “Talk to the paw,” she says!

    You can help, dear Reader, by taking necessary precautions as outlined by the CDC (click here). At the very least, don’t be like one of my coworkers and sneeze into your hand during a meeting and then use that hand to pass items around the table. Just sayin’.

    Thank you for reading!

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  • UPDATE: Crazy Busy or Busy Crazy With a Dash of Nightingale & Sparrow #CNF #published

    February 13th, 2020

    I’ve been so crazy busy that I “mangled” the link to Nightingale & Sparrow’s website. Without further ado, here is the link to the online version: http://online.fliphtml5.com/tpuo/zxmk/ If you’re interested in the print version, go here: https://www.amazon.com/love-Nightingale-Sparrow-Literary-Magazine/dp/B084P24666/ref=sr_1_5?crid=24I5U2688S5LC&keywords=nightingale+and+sparrow&qid=1581642967&sprefix=Nightingale+an%2Caps%2C221&sr=8-5

    *********************************************************

    I’ve been busy crazy the last few weeks due in large part to my day job. But it’s not all bad.

    Nightingale & Sparrow (http://nightingaleandsparrow.com), a literary journal that I’ve grown to love, has a new issue out. It’s called “love” and includes a creative nonfiction piece by me. The publication of my essay is a perfect example of what happens when you see a tweet saying (and I paraphrase), “Hey, we need more creative nonfiction for an upcoming issue,” and you actually ACT on that tweet. You know you have something that definitely fits the theme of Love. You tighten it up, proofread, read out loud numerous times until you’re at risk of missing the deadline. Then you submit. And wait. When you get the email, you dance.

    Other good news: I finished my mom’s lap blanket.

    I hope to deliver it to her in person later this year.

    Thanks for reading. I am way behind in making the rounds of my writing community. I appreciate all of you and hope to be in better touch soon.

    For an early Valentine’s Day treat, here’s Junior in one of his more seductive poses.

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  • 🤘 Eternity Began Tomorrow is free all weekend! 🤘 — WHAT THE HELL

    January 31st, 2020

    Sometimes the best things in life are free … at least for this weekend! If you haven’t read Kevin Brennan’s latest novel, here’s your chance for a free copy. But only for this weekend so get snappy … and don’t forget to leave a review, the lifeblood of writers.

    Heads up! All weekend long, Eternity Began Tomorrow is FREE! I hope you’ll forgive my constant marketing for the next three days, but I’m hoping to move a lot of copies and that those copies garner a lot of new reviews. Still sittin’ on six reviews, gang. Anyway. Tell your friends who have Kindles. And […]

    via 🤘 Eternity Began Tomorrow is free all weekend! 🤘 — WHAT THE HELL

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  • It Only Takes a Few Words to Love a Book — BREVITY’s Nonfiction Blog

    January 31st, 2020

    I’m thrilled to have my review of Deep Creek by Pam Houston published in Brevity’s Nonfiction Blog!

    By Marie A Bailey The first time I saw Pam Houston was in 1991 or 1992. I was a graduate student in English at Florida State University. The university was hosting a creative writing conference and Houston was on one of the panels. I had not read her story collection Cowboys Are My Weakness in […]

    via It Only Takes a Few Words to Love a Book — BREVITY’s Nonfiction Blog

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  • Another Day, Another Bounty of Garbage #makeAmericabeautifulagain #pickupyourtrash

    January 27th, 2020

    On Saturday I mentioned to my 96-year-old mom that I have a new hobby: picking up trash. Usually I have no “news” for her since my life is pretty much the same day in, day out. The cats are getting older even though Junior still acts like a hellion. Nothing new with my husband’s back (it still plagues him although he manages to work around it). And, yes, he is still enjoying retirement. I don’t tell her any more about my aches and pains because why should I? She who never has such complaints takes it pretty hard when she sees or hears her children struggling. So I tell her about my new hobby instead, and she chuckles.

    Picking up trash is becoming a bit of an obsession for me, although not quite in the league of David Sedaris who might spend 3 to 5 hours a day picking up trash. But I can no longer go on a walk without my grabber and a couple of bags (13-gallon kitchen trash bags which actually are not the best choice because they tear easily). The one time I tried, I wound up taking a dog poop bag from a dispenser in the park and used that to pick up bits and pieces of plastic.

    I’ve added purple heavy-duty household cleaning gloves to my tools. They’re a bit awkward but, since so much trash I find is along ponds, they keep my hands protected as well as dry. Today, my husband gave me a small case that I can clip on to my belt and use as a kit to hold my gloves and trash bags.

    He’s also had the patience to go with me and recline on the grass while I make my way around the perimeter of a stormwater pond … or two. I don’t ask him to help because of his back, but I like having his company.

    Here’s two views of one particular pond called “Lake Le Marc.” Seriously. It’s a stormwater pond facility (my husband, the engineer, says) but if Tallahassee wants to call it a lake, who am I to argue? You’d have to zoom into the photos to see all the plastic bottles floating on the surface. If you can’t zoom, just trust me. They are there.

    This was some of my haul from Saturday’s walk and pick-up.

    I pretty much filled the 13-gallon bag, had it all nicely tied when I found a broken plastic hanger. Yes, I did, with some patience, untie the bag and fit it in. But then that was it, and, believe me, it was really hard to walk back home and not pick up any more trash.

    Picking up trash is not just a new hobby. It’s a new obsession.

    This photo is from last weekend. Me trying to stand like a hunter with my trusty rifle grabber, my buck bag at my feet.

    Thanks for reading. As a reward for looking at photos of trash, here’s one of Wendy, or her bum anyway.

    When temps get below 70 degrees, these Southern kitties seek out warmth. The fleecy blanket is the one I brought her home in, 6 and 1/2 years ago. It’s her “blankie.”

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  • Picking Up After Others #makeAmericabeautifulagain #leaveonlyfootprints

    January 19th, 2020
    Street view of the pond

    I have a favorite pond near where I work. It’s small, roughly a half mile in diameter and shaped like a stretched-out kidney. It often plays host to dozens of pond sliders (turtles), minnow-like fish, and large birds such as blue herons and egrets. The pond sits across the intersection, diagonal to my office building. When my knee was in better working condition and I could go for daily long walks, I’d always start off at the pond, taking the asphalt nature trail (there’s something oxymoronic about an asphalt nature trail, isn’t there?) past the overly expensive McMansions and along the larger pond which they call a lake and then back down to my office.

    When my knee was better, I walked with a fairly fast stride. These days, not so much. As my stride slowed, my awareness of litter increased. That awareness was also peaked by two writers I follow, one through WordPress and one through Medium. Jan Priddy describes picking up trash amongst little pretty things like sea glass on the beach near her home: https://janpriddyoregon.wordpress.com/2020/01/03/gathering/ Tammy Hader muses about what she can and can’t control, noting “All I can do is pick up the trash and keep on walking”: https://medium.com/journal-of-journeys/one-person-at-a-time-starts-with-me-6058bece64b0

    Inspired by these two writers, I set about to grab a grabber and a trash bag and see what kind of difference (if any) I can make to the pond. My first time out resulted in this interesting haul.

    My first haul picking up trash around the pond.

    It was a windy day so I had to use pine cones to keep the bag from flapping around while I took the photo. My hands were also bare and, since so much of the trash was mucky, I chose not to play around with the contents. But you can see the rather large lager can, prominent among the muck, my prize, if you will.

    At the time, the water level in the pond was low, making it a perfect opportunity to get to trash that would otherwise be under water. While I was dismayed to see the beer can, my heart was truly broken by all the bits of plastic I found. I’m sure most of those bits were blown in by the dumpster from a large apartment complex that sits on the other side of the pond.

    My heart was broken but my spirit was strong in its resolve to continue the practice, especially since I filled almost two-thirds of the 13-gallon trash bag. I brought that bag home and put it in our own bin, not trusting the bins around my workplace to be secure enough.

    I imagine I was an odd sight, shuffling along the water’s edge, grabbing bits and pieces of trash. A coworker on a walk stopped to see what I was up to. I mentioned the turtles and fish and my fear that all this trash was harmful. He smiled and said it was a nice thing I was doing. I think he was sincere as one time, when he and I were literally crossing paths, we stood together for a few moments to admire a hawk in a tree.

    An elderly man also stopped. I recognized him from previous encounters when he’d be walking one of his dogs and he would talk to me about looking out for poisonous snakes. He’d make a point of killing a snake if it were poisonous because people, especially children, might get hurt. He came over to tell me to watch out for snakes. I assured him that I was and he moved on and let me get back to sweeping the tall grass with my grabber.

    I suppose the best part of this experience was finding and removing all the junk I found. There was something else, though, something deeply felt but not seen. Walking the edge of the pond, carefully placing one foot in front of the other as my eyes focused on the water and the muck and the grasses, looking for anything that might bounce light from the sun, I lost sense of time. I felt myself recede from the world I have to inhabit most of my waking hours and emerge into another one, a world of tiny objects like cigarette butts but also of insects, of algae, of water that’s green and brown. My world slowed down along with my breath. I only knew the time, and the fact of when I needed to return to the other world, because I wore a watch. Without the watch, I wouldn’t have known if I had been out there for ten minutes or a full hour.

    I’ve become somewhat addictive to this process now. A few days later I went out to the pond again, this time with smaller, grocery store bags. I went around the pond’s perimeter and was disappointed to find myself filling those bags. I did scan some bushes on the other side of the trail and found a couple of beer bottles, but most of what I found was along the pond’s edge. Including a rubber ducky.

    My second haul from the pond. Yes, that is a rubber ducky in the middle.

    I don’t know if the turtles appreciate my efforts, but it does my heart good to see them around the pond with a little less danger of getting trapped in a plastic bag.

    So it seems I have a new mission in life. The third time I went out, my knee was feeling better so I took a regular walk, picking up trash as I went. Most of it was paper but it still filled my grocery bag. It was still worth picking up and hauling away.

    I’ve since treated myself to a new grabber, this one with a longer reach.

    My new weapon for my #makeAmericabeautifulagain campaign.

    It’s 40 inches, six more than my original grabber which I’ve gifted to my husband. Given that I’ve risked falling into the pond twice, a longer grabber is necessary.

    I know I can’t control what other people do, but I can control what I do. If I can’t stop people from littering, I can pick up the litter and dispose of it properly. What do you do to give yourself a sense of control over a problem when you know you can’t control the problem itself?

    Wendy wishes she could control my camera and shut it off.

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  • Searching and Listening #MondayBlogs #Nature #Florida

    January 6th, 2020

    Some time ago I finished reading Pam Houston’s Deep Creek, a collection of essays about her ranch among other things. A review will be forthcoming, but for now I’m thinking about how Houston “retethered” herself to the earth when she bought a 120-acre ranch in the early 1990s. She describes the ranch as opening her heart “like a tin can.” She is surrounded by wild things there as well as some domesticated. It is her home, the place she returns to after every cross-country or worldwide trip.

    I feel like I’m still looking for a place to tether myself. Perhaps it would be a retethering in that I once I had a place that tugged at my heart. It was my neighbor’s house in my hometown, a place I spent the better part of my childhood. The house had been built around 1905 by my neighbor’s father. Ted was born in the house I was told; at least, it had always been his home until he moved in with a friend and signed the deed over to my mom who eventually signed it over to my brother who quickly “renovated” the old house until it was unrecognizable. Then there was a flood and both my childhood home (which my mother also had renovated so only the upstairs rooms could spark memories) and Ted’s home were destroyed, condemned, and then razed.

    I had left home years before, lived in San Francisco and other cities in the Bay Area, then Tallahassee, Florida, where I still reside. I had untethered myself when I left but, deep down, I always wanted to believe I had something to go back to. I’m still struggling with that even after living nearly 30 years in one city, 29 years in one house. I don’t feel tethered to the city I live in.

    I like our house. It has a very nice floor plan, and my husband has turned our backyard into an oasis. The walls don’t hold echoes of children, but they retain the plaintive cries of hungry or bored cats, or the human lamentations after one cat is stilled. It’s a comfortable home with furniture mistaken for scratching posts and litter scattered everything.

    We live on a side street (30 mph) at the bottom of a hill that drivers like to race down. We have friendly neighbors. We used to be involved with the neighborhood association but stopped going to meetings a long time ago. We keep to ourselves which is our preference.

    And maybe that’s why I don’t feel tethered to this place. Except for those moments when we’re out at St. Marks Refuge or exploring a nature trail, there seems to be no “there there.” I don’t know what I want. I can’t return to the past, even if Ted’s house was still standing, its original architecture intact. This city–Tallahassee–nor the state itself has opened my heart like a tin can.

    So I’m searching … mostly through Zillow and off-hand comments from my husband about what might make sense for an aging couple on a (soon to be) fixed income.

    But I’m listening too. In his preamble to the Winter 2019 issue of Orion magazine, H. Emerson Blake wrote about a birding trip he took to Florida a couple of years ago. He and his friend found what they think is the spot where the now-extinct Carolina parakeet was last seen in the wild. He wrote:

    Standing there, I found myself listening hard for what the land had to say and for any suggestion the land itself grieved for the parakeets. […] Many people today, if they were told that they should try to listen to land, would find that idea odd, if not flat-out weird.

    I like to think I listen. Even when I walk with my earbuds tuned to music or an audio book, another part of me is listening and looking. And so one day, while taking my usual constitutional on a nature trail near my work place, I saw this …

    I stopped dead in my tracks, really expecting the hawk to fly off. After a few seconds, I decided to risk a few photos, as long as I took time in between to enjoy the sight with my own eyes.

    Seriously, he’s not moving. He doesn’t seem to care that I’m getting closer to him.

    Well, now he can’t say he didn’t see me. We look into each other’s eyes. I can tell he’s not impressed.

    Now I’m worried that he’s sick or injured. Why else would he let me get this close? Except I can see his talons quite clearly now. They look very pointy.

    I had to stop at this point. Seriously, another few steps and I would have been standing directly underneath him.

    I worry when wild things get too used to humans and don’t run or fly off when they’re approached. I think this handsome guy knew what he was doing, though. His talons and beak could have done serious damage to me if I had threatened him and he probably knew that.

    I backed away after a few more seconds of drinking in his beauty and watched him from the other side of the trail until he decided to decamp.

    It’s moments like these when I feel tethered to something.

    And I definitely feel tethered to the very domesticated creatures below.

    Sleeping in on New Year’s Day.

    What gives you a sense of place, or a sense of being tethered, like you belong where you are? Asking for a friend :)

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  • An Interview With Kevin Brennan, Author of Eternity Began Tomorrow #EBT #climatechange #amreading

    December 11th, 2019

    I’m thrilled to have Kevin Brennan as my guest today. Many of you already know Kevin as the author of several novels, including his most recent, Eternity Began Tomorrow or EBT as it is affectionately known. EBT is kind of a road trip/political thriller/romance-type novel. In other words, it has something for every kind of reader.

    EBT tackles the crisis of climate change, a very timely subject, as well as the current political scene. I asked Kevin how this novel came about and how it changed or didn’t change as he revised and prepared it for publication while history rolled on.

    I’d had the idea of a John Truthing kind of character a long time ago and sat on it for years. Then I was looking for something to work on and this kind of story seemed right for the times. I started about a year ago now, mid-October ’18 and had the first draft done in March or so. One of my faster first drafts.

    Then, as I revised, I kept plugging in things that were happening, like the Mueller report and the Dem campaigns and Greta Thunberg, and I kept doing that right up to the time I uploaded a final manuscript. I knew this wouldn’t work for traditional publishing, since I’d have to waste months querying, then, if I was lucky enough to get a contract, more than a year before it could be published. (Ha, as if!)

    By the way, I went for the surprise ending because it felt like I needed something that was more absurd than reality. I was reading an old Kurt Vonnegut novel at the time and I just thought, go for a shocker. What would Kurt do? So the book’s definitely not meant to feel realistic but more like “beyond-realistic” because real life is too damn strange and scary right now!

    Why “Eternity Began Tomorrow”? It’s kind of a mystifying phrase.

    That’s one of those things that “just comes” to a writer, you know? The phrase popped into my head and I started thinking about it. In the context of climate change, I think it suggests a paradox: that it might be too late but that we can’t not act. We could be screwing up the planet forever if we don’t act. It might already be screwed up, but we still have a little time to do something about it. Tomorrow is a hopeful idea. At least as of today.

    How did you decide to write from the POV of Molly “Blazes” Bolan?

     My earliest notes for the book had cast an older, crusty-but-benign man as Blazes, but when I resurrected the story I thought I’d update things so I changed him to a her—specifically a thirty-something, San Francisco girl with ambitions—and the original print newspaper to an online news site: Sedan Chair. It felt more timely.

    I’ve written from female points of view a lot in my work, starting with Nora from Parts Unknown and carrying through to Sarah in Occasional Soulmates (those in first-person), plus a number of third-person female narrators. Usually I do it either because the original idea comes to me through a female character, or because the way the story wants to be told feels like it won’t work as well with a male protagonist.

    I don’t think writers should be forbidden to write from their opposite gender (or one of the many genders available these days) any more than should be forbidden to write about any “other.” In fact, I just read a great piece by Zadie Smith in The New York Review of Books, lamenting that there seems to be a trend lately toward absolute “correctness” about identity in fiction. To my mind, fiction offers an eye-opening approach to empathy, so telling a black woman, for instance, that she can only write about black women would shut the door to her exploring what the world is like for other identities. I’m with Zadie on this. Fiction is really about individuals, not types.

    Any other novels you have in the works for your groupies fans?

     I’ve been trying to get an agent for three different books these last couple of years, so I’m holding those back instead of publishing them in the indie market yet. One of them has a transgender man as protagonist—apropos of the answer to your other question. Another of the three is a baseball/prison book set in the Depression, and it’s a little like The Natural meets The Shawshank Redemption. And the third is about a uniquely screwed-up family trying to work out their shit, with the 1973 Watergate hearings as a backdrop. Dysfunction on two different levels.

    I’m also writing something now that might not pan out because it’s a weird mashup of real life and fiction. My mom is in it, along with a bunch of her neighbors. And me. I think of it as a study in how fiction is anchored in real-world foundations even though it’s completely made up.

    We’ll see what happens with that!

    It’s exciting to know that we have more of your writing to look forward to. How do you work on your novels? That is, do you work on them sequentially, not starting a new one until the current is finished? Or you work on a couple at a time, using one to take breaks from the other?

    Mostly I work on a book until it’s finished, just because I immerse myself in that world and don’t want to let some other world smear into it. Once in a while, I’ll start some notes on a new project while I’m still working on a novel, but for the most part I want to stick with something till I’m done. The three books I’m holding onto were all written sequentially at different times, but I set them aside when I started indie publishing because I held out hope that I’d be able to get an agent for them eventually.

    Sometimes I run into an obstacle in a book that I can’t quite get around, so I’ll put it on pause and work on something else. And sometimes I never do go back to the paused one. Then, occasionally, like with EBT, I dig one up years later and find a way to finish it.

    ***

    Well, Readers, I hope you enjoyed this interview with Kevin Brennan and take this opportunity to pick up an ebook copy of Eternity Began Tomorrow by clicking here.

    To show our appreciation for reading to this point, here’s your treat!

    Three for one on a lazy Sunday morning.

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