Top Ten Things Not To Do When in the Presence of a Camera

Here is the 51st installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.

a camera
10.  If you are tempted to take a selfie (why, we don’t know) to show your friends your new tan lines, do not send the picture to anyone. If you do, at best, you may show too much line. At worst, your picture may make the internet rounds for the next million years.

9.  If you are with friends and a picture is being taken, do not stick out your tongue as if you are Miley Cyrus. If you do, at best, you will look as graceful as Miley Cyrus. At worst, like your mom said, “Your face may stick that way.”

8. If you are tempted to take a selfie in the bathroom, do not take the picture until you check the background. If you do, at best, there may be some stray clothes lying around. At worst, that shot of the commode may be enough to get an unexpected visit from the health department and possibly a letter from a concerned citizen about the lid being in the up position.

7.  If you are tempted to take a selfie, try to make an expression that does not resemble a duck. If you don’t, at best, you will look like any one of a million selfies. At worst, your lips may be entered in the most obviously botched category at the Botox convention by a well-meaning friend and win.

6.  If you are in charge of taking pictures of a friends’ get-together, do not ask everyone to say cheese. If you do, at best, you will have different group photos that look the same. At worst, you will have walking dead expressions and your outing will resemble the before shots at the orthodontist.

5.  When posing for a group picture, do not put up two fingers behind the head of the person next to you. If you do, at best, you will ruin what could have been a nice picture. At worst, everyone in the photo will be able to attest that those two fingers represent the number of drinks that it takes to get you blotto.

4.  If you have had too much to drink, do not show up in each picture with your red solo cup. If you do, at best, you will have a chronicle of your behavior. At worst, you will document your own downfall and will have to face the inevitable slide show every time you and your friends get together.

3.  When taking pictures of the scenic wonders of America, do not take photos from a moving vehicle. If you do, at best, you might catch a tree or two in the blur. At worst, you will have lovely landscape colors that resemble finger paints to show as a result of your trip.

2.  When trying to capture the romantic nature of the moonlight over the lake, do not use a cell phone camera. If you do, at best, you might get what appears to be a pin head in the night. At worst, you will have a close up view of your fingerprint that can be used as a new form of identification.

1.  When taking pictures of pets, children, or anything on the ground, do not stand as tall as you are and take the shot. If you do, at best, you will get shots of little frightened beings resembling something out of The Hobbit. At worst, since you are not down at their level, your angle of attack will produce nothing but tops of the innocent little heads.

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About 1WriteWay

Writer, blogger, knitter, and cat lover.
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25 Responses to Top Ten Things Not To Do When in the Presence of a Camera

  1. #3 sounds dangerous.

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  2. Ha ha! The red Solo cup is a dead giveaway! Happy Monday!

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  3. Expat Eye says:

    Ha, great! I really do not get this selfie thing – happy to say I’ve never taken one! I do get searches for peeing selfies quite a bit though. Weird people out there… 😉

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    • 1WriteWay says:

      I don’t get selfies either. It’s a weird kind of attention-grabbing that a person will never really live down … especially if their selfie includes peeing 😉 I wonder if the searches on your blog will change once you move to Germany and don’t have Latvians to piss off any more 😉

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      • Expat Eye says:

        There will probably be lots of sausage and kinky German sex searches 😉 And beer, lots of beer – both in reality and in search terms 🙂 Just back from a week in Berlin – I’m not a happy camper today 😉

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  4. Good morning Marie. I noticed you have a related article about a topless Miley Cyrus selfie on your post. I cannot get over the fact that her tongue is everywhere. I haven’t clicked on the article, but bet it’s there as well. Good list. I have seen so many photos where parents and pet owners capture the terrified look of a child or pet and usually there is a big shadow over them as well.

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    • 1WriteWay says:

      I have Zemanta linked up to my blog and the Miley Cyrus selfie popped up with this post. I couldn’t resist 😉 I did look at the photo and, yup, she has her tongue out. You’d think her face did freeze like that 🙂

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  5. Luanne says:

    This is great, although I do admit my daughter snapped a selfie of us last night that I really like as a reminder of us spending time together.

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  6. Good imagination. Can happen

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  7. ericjbaker says:

    When I saw the topic, I planned to mention what turned out to be #8. There have been some pretty gruesome bathroom-mirror selfies… er… floating around the internet…

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  8. I take selfies all the time. MTM and I actually started taking them more than a decade ago with a plain old camera. We got pretty good at snapping them blind. Usually I take them because I want a shot of myself in a place, and nobody else can take the picture. That was particularly true on the Natchez Trace.

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