Top Ten Things Not to Do When Spending Time in the DMV

Here is the 35th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.

DMV

10.  When spending time in the DMV, do not show any sign of impatience. If you do, at best, the clerks will slow service just to see you sweat. At worst, you will need a defillibrator to restart your heart after you go apoplectic from missing your turn because you forgot to take a number.

9.  When spending time in the DMV, make sure all your paperwork is complete before your number is called. If you don’t, at best, the clerks will have a good laugh sending you back to the end of the queue. At worst, you will be tempted to say something like “Really?” in a heavily sarcastic voice which will result in you being banned from the DMV for the day.

8.  When spending time in the DMV, make certain you do not leave the room until your number is called. If you do, at best, your number will be called the second you leave and you’ll rush back in time. At worst, your number will be called and the next person served and you will need to wait until your number comes up again in a week.

7.  When spending time in the DMV, be careful on what and how much you drink. If you don’t, at best, you will experience number eight while visiting the restroom. At worst, you will try to gut it out and the clerks will be able to tell you are in a dire situation and prolong your agony according to number ten.

6.  When spending time in the DMV, do not arrive during the hours of eleven and two. If you do, at best, you will be subject to the lunch hour slowdown and have a longer wait. At worst, you will be caught in a never-ending situation with only one clerk at a time working while the rest go out for drinks and to celebrate the hundredth slow down heart attack of the month.

5.  When spending time in the DMV, make sure you bring something to read other than your phone, kindle or tablet. If you don’t, at best, you will be forced to ask your neighbor for something to read since the DMV is a digital dead zone. At worst, you will be forced to watch the slowly moving clerks for hours on end who appear to be sharing the same “look at this” joke and working two and three together on one problem.

4.  When spending time in the DMV, do not make eye contact with any humans in the room. If you do, at best, you will be asked to help with someone’s paperwork. At worst, you’ll have to hear some sad story of why this person needs to get back to work to support the sick family and a request to trade places which you will find hard to turn down.

3. When spending time in the DMV, do not talk to any human beings in the room. If you do, at best, you will need to endure the endless complaining on the slowness of the system. At worst, you may find yourself in the company of someone who is getting ready to crack under the DMV waiting pressure.

2.  When spending time in the DMV, do not dress in your finest. If you do, at best, you will be subject to endless requests for “just a dollar so I can get my license.” At worst, you might be asked to hand over all your money by a serious looking gent who swears he has a gun in his pants.

1.  When spending time in the DMV, do not attempt to numb your pain with any kind of substance, controlled or otherwise. If you do, at best, you might fall asleep and miss the call of your number. At worst, you might end up on the six and eleven o’clock news leading a riot in the DMV which seemed like a good idea at the time you were leading it.

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About 1WriteWay

Writer, blogger, knitter, and cat lover.
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24 Responses to Top Ten Things Not to Do When Spending Time in the DMV

  1. Such a strange place. My favorite is that they have pen and pencil vending machines, but nothing for food. Also, most times you get to the clerk and discover there was a form or something that you never knew you needed in the first place. They give you a ‘to the front of the line’ ticket good for the day, but they know people have work to do. So mean.

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  2. Ugh, going to the DMV is the worst. I always dread it. Thankfully there are many things that can be done on-line these days.
    Great list, Marie! Happy Monday!

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  3. Good morning Marie. This list sent shivers. I have to go in person to renew (first time in ten years). Need to gird my loins.

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  4. Hmmm. I’ve never had any trouble with No. 1…

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  5. sknicholls says:

    We have gotten real lucky. there is a new one just around the corner and there is no wait time. Appointments only. We went in the county clerk’s office to get our marriage license a few years ago. Even though there were NO other people waiting and NO line…they made us take a number and a seat and wait to be called anyway…Government crapola.

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    • 1WriteWay says:

      I’m just hoping nothing on this list happens to me when I go in to get my DL renewed in June. It’ll be my first time there in many, many years.

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      • sknicholls says:

        They just stopped the online renewal in Florida because of immigration. Now we will have MORE people driving on the streets with no license and no insurance.

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  6. Luanne says:

    So true. In southern California we had appts you could book ahead of time. Then you waltz in there past a loooooooong line that winds way out into the parking lot while those “poor slobs” stare, thinking you’re some kind of government royalty.

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  7. ericjbaker says:

    The last time I went, they were cheerful and kept the line moving. The DMV Czar must have been visiting that day.

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  8. Ellespeth says:

    As you know, I just paid a visit to the DMV. There was a wild and crazy customer standing around hollering; another lady left for a cup of coffee and came back to find her number had been called – she acted like someone else was to blame; I have to go back in a month for a driing test. Hahaha! Lucky me.
    Ellespeth

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