Here is the fifth installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not To Do by John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com and Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com . These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.
10. Do not attend any kind of service on Sunday, if you were a judge at a Texas Chili cook-off the day before.
9. Do not use the collection plate to make change from a twenty, even if that is all you have.
8. Do not think you can just close your eyes for a minute, even though you think you never drool in your sleep.
7. Do not pinch your youngest so that you can go to the crying room, since someone may see you do it and call the authorities.
6. If you are attending a service where it is acceptable to vocalize agreement with the minister, do not say “damn right” when you feel the urge.
5. Do not try to stifle a cough or sneeze using the hymnal as a deflector, even if you have done so before.
4. Do not think you must sing the loudest during the hymns; this is especially true if you can’t sing.
3. Do not compliment the minister on his sermon if you slept through the whole thing, you will only invite that observation.
2. Do not ask for a carry out if your church has a coffee social after the service, even if you brought your own thermos.
1. Do not honk your horn, yell obscenities at, or gesture to your fellow parishioners, even if they cut you off leaving the parking lot.