Do you like having garage sales? Or going to them? If yes to either question, then read on for John Howell’s tips on what not to do when having a garage sale. You might even share some of your own horror stories :)
Top Ten Things Not to Do When Having a garage Sale.
This list was inspired by a recent weekend of visiting a number of garage sales in the search of nautical artifacts that were supposed to be available in different locations.
10 If you have a garage sale, do not stock the inventory with all junk. If you do, at best you will look like you are down and out. At worst, you won’t make many sales since everyone has enough junk that looks and smells like yours at home.If you have a garage sale, do not advertise items that you don’t intend to sell. If you do, at best you can tell the folks the item is already sold. At
9 If you have a garage sale, do not advertise items that you don’t intend to sell. If you do, at best you can tell the folks the item…
I missed being able to reblog John Howell’s Monday list of Top Ten Things Not To Do while I was on vacation. Well, if you ever engage in home improvement activities, this list is for you!
It’s that time of the year again when certain outdoor chores have to be done in preparation for the coming change of seasons. The weather is finally turning a little cooler so the projects put off because of the heat can now be done. This list has been inspired by all the times I have not paid attention to the Top Ten Things Not to do While Doing Outdoor Work and is the 63rd edition
The Top Ten Things Not to Do While Working Outdoors
10 If you need to fix or waterproof your outdoor deck, do not start the work after noon. If you do, at best you will have to work past dinner. At worst, you will quit the project only to find yourself doing the work in the snow.
9 If you need to go up on a ladder for anything, do not ask your spouse…
Here is the 58th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. The inspiration for this came from a number of blogs which focused on different kinds of bosses. Hope you like it.
Top Ten Things Not to do if You Have a Lousy Boss
10.If you have a lousy boss, do not try to curry favor. If you do, at best your co-workers will shun you. At worst, the boss may think you are a big ass suck up and have no respect for you what so ever.
9. If you have a lousy boss, do not wish a cheery good morning. If you do, at best the boss will think you are shallow. At worst, the boss will not appreciate your greeting since all days are bad in the boss’s opinion.
8. If you have a lousy boss, do not volunteer to plan an event. If…
Here is the 57th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. I put this together after observing other conference attendees in action at a recent writer’s conference I attended. Hope you enjoy
Top Ten Things Not to do if You Attend a Writer’s Conference
10. If you attend a writer’s conference, do not think you need to impress the faculty with your knowledge of the writing craft. If you do, at best you will sound ridiculous teaching best-selling authors about writing. At worst, one of the best-selling authors may ask you how many books you have sold.
9. If you attend a writer’s conference, do not volunteer to be the first to read your story out loud. If you do, at best you will finish your reading and no one will applaud since you obviously did not hear the instructions. At worst, you will finish your reading and…
Here is the 56th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do and want you to know, I’m pretty much going it alone. With all the summer travels, I thought I would offer some advice on what not to do when you need to stop. I hope you enjoy.
Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Need a Rest Stop
10. If you need a rest stop, do not think you need to finish that 32 ounce Big Gulp. If you do, at best you will reach the rest stop with no delay. At worst, the traffic pile up on the 687 which caused you to run onto the median for relief makes the evening news with the enhancement of your handcuffed frame over the back of a police car.
Here is the 55th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. I decided to publish this list in case anyone wants to do a Top Ten you will at least know some thought has been put in how to behave. Of course, the person who needs to behave is ME. If you would like to guest post a list of your own, contact me at johnhowell.wave@gmail.com
Top Ten Things Not to Do While Trying to Lure Attract Other Authors to do a Top Ten List
10. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not make them believe they will become rich and famous. If you do, at best they will overlook the one “like” and still speak to you. At worst, they could find a way to troll your blog for the rest of your life.
Here is the 54th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. I decided to publish this list in case anyone wants to do a Top Ten. If so, contact me at johnhowell.wave@gmail.com
Top Ten Things Not To Do While Creating Top Ten Lists
10. If you are creating a top ten list, do not wait until the last-minute before publication. If you do, at best you may have to go with nine. At worst, you might get stuck after two items which will lead to severe writer’s block which might transfer to your latest novel.
9. If you are creating a top ten list, do not ask your significant other how they like it. If you do, at best you might get an honest answer. At worst, you may find out your significant other and you have nothing what so ever in common and finally decide…
Here is the 50th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.
10. When traveling by plane, do not think that you can fake being 75 or older so you won’t have to take off your shoes since you are self-conscious about foot odor. At best, the TSA agents will just roll their eyes as you stoop and shuffle over and then will patiently insist that you remove your shoes since your ID makes it clear that you are not as old as you claim. At worst, the TSA agents will decide that you must have some mental health issues and flag you as someone to be examined in the TSA office which causes you to miss your plane and totally gross out the TSA agents in the small examination room with your smelly feet.
9. When traveling by plane, do not expect that the happy, cooing baby seated behind you will remain happy and cooing once the plane takes off. At best, the parents will attend immediately to the baby whenever it starts to cry. At worst, the parents will ignore the baby, as apparently they always do, and it will be your eardrums which will suffer more from the baby’s earsplitting screams than from the change in cabin air pressure which is causing the screaming.
8. When traveling by plane, do not assume that the carry-on bag you bought online for half-price will actually fit in an overhead bin. At best, you’ll be the first to wedge your bag into the bin and can ignore the other passengers whose bags are smaller but unable to fit because your bag is so large. At worst, a big guy named Tiny will pull out your bag, drop it in your lap, and put in his own.You’ll be stuck having to check your oversized carry-on at the last minute unless you foolishly want to argue with Tiny.
7. When traveling by plane, do not think you can escape screaming babies by hiding in the lavatory. If you do, at best, you’ll only face a long line of angry passengers when you finally come out as the plane is preparing to land. At worst, the flight crew will summon an air marshal and forcefully extricate you at a most inconvenient moment.
6. When traveling by plane, do not think you can time your use of the lavatory to coincide with the smoothest part of the flight. At best, you’ll be lucky and only be slightly jostled about on the toilet as the plane hits some minor turbulence. At worst, the plane will hit an air pocket, causing the plane to drop sharply, you to accidentally open the lavatory door as you grab the handle for stability, and the flight crew to be forever marred by an image of your blue water-colored naked bottom half.
5. When traveling by plane, do not assume that the passenger behind you won’t mind if you put your seat all the way back. If you do, at best, that passenger and all the ones behind will be the doing the same thing, causing a strange but convenient domino effect. At worst, the passenger behind you will show displeasure by choosing that time to pitch forward and have a sneezing fit over your head making you wish you had brought an umbrella.
4. When traveling by plane, do not think it would be a fun idea to tease your fellow passenger’s cat while the passenger is in the lavatory. At best, the cat will only hiss and growl as it backs into the corner of the pet taxi when you stick your fingers through the grate. At worst, you’ll have a lot of explaining to do to the flight attendant and your fellow passenger when you ask for help in retrieving your hand from PsychoKitty’s clamped jaw.
3. When traveling by plane, do not think that you can imbibe several alcoholic drinks and somehow be sober when your 10-hour flight ends. At best, the flight attendant will be aware of your naiveté and water down your drinks so you can disembark without assistance. At worst, you drink yourself into a Bermuda Triangle stupor and wake up hours later in a TSA’s office, strapped to a wheelchair and not having answers to the questions being asked by Fritz the head interrogator.
2. When traveling by plane, on your return flight, do not think your fellow passengers will find it amusing if you sing along with the movie Happy Feet, which you’ve seen several times already. At best, all the passengers will choose to use headsets to tune you out. At worst, you just might be faced with a mass passenger mutiny where walking the plank takes on new meaning at thirty-five thousand feet.
1. When traveling by plane, do not pull an Alec Baldwin and insist on taking a cell phone call just when the captain requests that everyone turn off their phones and other electronic devices. At best, a flight attendant will gently but firmly take your phone away from you and refuse to return it until your plane has landed. At worst, the captain and flight crew will pay a personal visit to your seat and escort you off the plane, (after landing if you are lucky) totally ignoring your claim to be a very important person.
Here is the 49th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.
10. On the weekend, do not attempt to catch up on all the sleep you missed during the week. If you do attempt, at best, you may miss a few meals. At worst, you might just find Monday morning arriving way too soon.
9. On the weekend, do not try to complete a week’s worth of exercise in one weekend day. If you do, at best, your body will remind you to take it easy next time. At worst, you will need to call EMS to help you out of bed Monday morning.
8. On the weekend, do not try to drink all the beer and margaritas you missed during the week. If you do, at best, you will still feel bad the following Friday. At worst, you could have a monumental lost weekend and wake up naked, restrained to a gurney at the county hospital with no idea how you got there nor how long you’ve been naked.
7. On the weekend do not feel you must fill in every hour with an activity to make up for the sedentary week. If you do, at best, you just might need a vacation after the weekend is over. At worst, you may be in a position to regret not having a stress test a little sooner.
6. On the weekend, do not power shop to make up for the times you were at work during the week. If you do, at best, you may see the end of the available money before the end of the available time to shop. At worst, you ignore the end of the money warning and continue shopping until your credit card company mercifully cuts you off in the most exclusive store.
5. On the weekend, do not do a marathon of chores hoping to catch up on those you missed during the week. If you do, at best, you will run out of daylight before the work is done. At worst, you will run out of energy and be faced with the end of the weekend and the prospect of an exhausted Monday morning.
4. On the weekend, do not try to watch every show you recorded during the week. If you do, at best, you will feel you have worked all weekend just watching TV. At worst, you will show up on Monday with bloodshot eyes and pasty skin leading everyone to believe you were in solitary confinement in jail for the weekend.
3. On the weekend, do not take a little work home with you. If you do, at best, you will have to sneak around to get it done before the family finds out. At worst, your boss will find out you are working during the weekend so the little work will turn into two full days of business as usual.
2. On the weekend, if you are a writer, do not try to not write. If you do, at best, you will become increasingly grumpy until your family locks you in your writing room. At worst, you will be successful in not writing and will be crushed by the guilt of ages simply because you are now two thousand words off your target causing you to change genres from Romance to Horror Fiction.
1. On the weekend, do not forget to find time to relax and recharge. If you do forget, at best, your productivity for the next week will suffer. At worst, your nerves will probably be at the point of shatter and all will let loose when your hapless boss asks you to stay for an hour more on Monday with significantly ugly results.
Here is the 48th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://atomic-temporary-3409443.wpcomstaging.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.
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10. When petsitting your friends’ dog Buster, do not think that running circles in the backyard for five minutes will be adequate exercise. If you do, at best, Buster will be obedient enough to come back inside when you call and thus you will be none the wiser regarding Buster’s pent-up energy nor his overactive bladder. At worst, Buster will refuse to come in and proceed to chase you in circles until you drop from exhaustion or are rescued by a sympatric neighbor whichever comes first..
9. When petsitting your friends’ dog Molly, do not think that while taking Molly for a walk, her friendly and amiable behavior will extend to other dogs. If you do, at best, you’ll have enough upper body strength to keep her from tangling with another dog that is (fortunately for you) leashed to a post in the neighbor’s front yard. At worst, you’ll get tangled up and hauled by Molly stopping only when, the other dog is inches from your face, with the neighbor calling the police because of your inability to control the dog..
8. When petsitting your friends’ dog Jake, do not forget to bring plastic bags with you when you take Jake on a walk. If you do forget, at best, Jake will wait until you are in your friends’ front yard before deciding to do number 2 in front of countless witnesses. At worst, he will pick the most pristine lawn (with the sign Keep Off) in the neighborhood and promptly do number 2 in full view of the owner and you will have to make apologies and promises as you run back to your friends’ house to retrieve the plastic bags and then take a long walk of shame to return and clean up.
7. When petsitting your friends’ dog Bella, do not think you can be late for a visit without dire consequences. If you are late for a visit, at best, Bella will only give you a dirty look when you finally arrive and let her out to do her “business.” At worst, there will be more than a dirty look waiting for you when you finally show up and your friends will ask you where to send the multiple carpet cleaning bills.
6. When petsitting your friends’ dog Hugo and taking him for a walk in a local park, do not think you can ignore the posted leash laws and allow Hugo to run without a leash in the hope that he tires himself out fast and you can go home sooner. At best, you’ll get dirty looks from the other dog walkers who chose to obey the law as well as a dirty dog because Hugo found a small pool of muddy water to play in. At worst, Hugo will take off like a rocket and you will spend hours searching to no avail and then panicking over what to tell your friends only to arrive back at the house in the dark and find Hugo, happy and tired, waiting for you on the front steps along with the animal control officer who followed him there.
5. When petsitting your friends’ cat Princess, do not forget to check the litter box at every visit. If you do forget, at best, Princess will be resourceful enough to find unsoiled spots and allow your nose to alert you to the need to clean the box. At worst, Princess will decide to teach you a lesson and leave you a surprise or two shaped like a Tootsie Roll just inside the front door which you will find under your first step..
4. When petsitting your friends’ cat Tom and seeing that they have a harness and leash for him, do not think taking Tom on a walk will be one way to avoid it needing the litter box (and thus you having to clean it). If you do take Tom on a walk, at best, Tom will spend most of the time lounging in a square of sunshine and be loath to move unless you pick him up and carry him back home. At worst, Tom will see another cat and set off to chase it with unexpected strength, pulling your shoulder out of its socket in the process.
3. When petsitting your friends’ cat, do not think the cat’s nickname—PsychoKitty—is actually a term of endearment and you can caress her to your heart’s content. At best, PsychoKitty will tolerate your petting and you will know enough to stop when you hear a low growl. At worst, you ignore the low growl and quickly find yourself in a situation at the ER where several doctors are required to convince PsychoKitty to release your arm.
2. When petsitting your friends’ cat Milo, do not ignore your friends’ warning that Milo likes to rub against people’s legs when he’s hungry. If you do, at best, you’ll just find it takes longer to get to the kitchen since you have to navigate around Milo’s paws as he loops in and around your legs. At worst, you step on Milo’s paws causing him to emit a banshee-like yowl and you to trip over your own feet, resulting in a face plant on the tiled kitchen floor.
1. When petsitting your friends’ cat Ruby, do not forget your friends’ warning that Ruby likes to lurk on the top of bookcases. If you do, at best, you’ll simply have a few panicked hours of thinking Ruby had gotten out of the house before you finally see her at the top of a bookcase, her eyes mere slits of boredom. At worst, after hours of a panicked search, Ruby will finally make herself known by jumping from the bookcase onto your shoulders, causing you to make face plant on the hardwood floor, where you lie for several minutes convinced you heard Ruby laugh as she ran off of you and jumped back onto the bookcase.
Marie at 1 Write Way 