Tag: top ten things not to do

Top Ten Things Not To Do If You’re A Mercenary in Windemere #newbook

January 11th, 2016
Here’s a way to start your Monday with laughter. And while you’re at it, pick up a copy of Charles’ latest installment in the Legends of Windemere series. This list will make you want to.

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Cover Art by Jason Pedersen

As you may know, I have a great deal of respect for the talent of Charles E, Yallowitz. He is a prolific writer of prose and poetry and has a marvelous sense of humor. We were discussing a guest post in support of the launch of his latest book The Mercenary Prince and I casually suggested that he do a Top Ten Things Not to Do list. To my surprise and delight, he did one. This is a list that made me laugh out loud and decided to run it on my regular feature day. I think you will enjoy it and know you would like Charles’ fantasy stories. So here is Charles and his list.

Thank you to John W. Howell for hosting this guest post, which I hope is entertaining. I step into the realm of the master with a ‘Ten Things’ list that…

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Top Ten Thing Not to do at a Wedding

June 15th, 2015
Go to weddings much, Dear Reader? Well, tis the season and as those invitations start pouring in, consider these 10 warning tips from John Howell.

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Since June is wedding month, I can’t let it pass without making some comments on what we should all avoid if we are in a wedding, invited to a wedding or are getting married. I hope you enjoy it.

Top Ten Things Not to do at a Wedding (no matter who you are)

10 If you are a wedding guest, do not be tempted to pick up and shake a few of the wedding presents to see if there are sets of china or appliances inside. If you do, at best those observing you will know you bought a cheap gift or none at all. At worst, you will be asked to step away from the gifts by a large man with the word SECURITY above his left pocket. He also happens to be the brother of one of the celebrants, and you are now busted since he assumes you…

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Ten Things Not to Do at Graduation Time

June 8th, 2015
Ah, it’s that time of year when someone you know, maybe even someone you love, is graduating. If you’re a parent, a graduation attendee or organizer, read on for some useful warnings about what not to do during graduation. Courtesy of John Howell.

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The inspiration for this list is the fact that it is graduation season. When you think of all the graduations that are being held in the US alone, you realize the potential exists that these ten things occur with similar results. I hope you enjoy the list and can manage to avoid them.

Ten Things Not to Do at Graduation Time

10 If you are a graduate, do not put something dumb on your mortar. If you do, at best even if your family sees you they will not want to admit you belong to them. At worst the picture taken of your message will go viral and will show up every time someone searches your name on Google including prospective employers.

9 If you are a parent of a graduate, do not blow any type of horn when your child receives their diploma. If you do, at best you…

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Top Ten Things Not to do While Visiting a Bar

May 25th, 2015
This top ten list courtesy of John Howell will make you glad you don’t go to bars anymore. But if you still go to bars … review this list before you go and beware of the pickled eggs :)

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This list was inspired by listening to stories related by our house guests who had made the bar scene during the Memorial Day Weekend. All of these are hearsay and not a matter of personal experiences. I hope you enjoy.

Ten Things Not to do While Visiting a Bar

10 If you are visiting a bar, do not stand too close to someone expecting them to talk to you. If you do, at best they will move away. At worst, you might be surprised to find yourself an unwilling volunteer for a jujitsu demonstration with you as the victim.

9 If you are visiting a bar, do not order a flaming drink for any reason. If you do, at best you will confirm your narcissistic tendencies. At worst your concoction will catch the back bar on fire, and the four-alarm fire department cost will put your credit card into default.

8…

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Ten Things Not to do on Memorial Day Feat. Marie Ann Bailey

May 18th, 2015
Memorial Day, for those of us in the United States, is just around the corner. To get you into the spirit, my good friend John Howell has the following list of things not to do on Memorial Day, a list that he and I collaborated on last year. Enjoy!

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Last Year Marie Ann Bailey and I did a simu-publish of what not to do on Memorial Day. I was constructing a new one for this year, and it occurred to me that last years was pretty suitable. So here is last year’s and I must say the advice seems pretty relevant. Thanks, Marie for helping with this one.

Top Ten Things Not To Do On Memorial Day

10 On Memorial Day, do not accept an invitation to your boss’ house for a picnic even if you think it will be good for your career. If you do, at best, you might just have an awful time. At worst, you might be pressed into service as one of the wait staff.

9 On Memorial Day, do not accept an invitation to your friend’s parents’ house on the lake. If you do, at best, you might be subjected to uncomfortable questions…

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Top Ten Things Not to do When It’s Your Birthday

May 11th, 2015
Surely you or someone who you know has a birthday, at least once a year, right? Well, read on for 10 things NOT to do when it’s your birthday! Courtesy of John Howell :)

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The inspiration for this is the fact that all of us have a day of birth even those of you from another planet. So I thought we could all use a little advice on that particular day.

Ten Things Not to do When It’s Your Birthday

10 When it’s your birthday, do not tell anyone what you want for a present. If you do, at best you won’t get what you asked. At worst, you will get all kinds of things that are sort of like what you wanted but not quite.

9 When it’s your birthday, do not tell anyone you are feeling older. If you do, at best a well-meaning someone will plop a post on Facebook asking everyone to cheer you up. At worst, you will get all those people who are older than you telling you things like “you only live once, enjoy,” and “When I…

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Top Ten Things Not to do IF You Think You Are Going to Win a Contest or the Lotto

May 4th, 2015
A cautionary list of what not to do if you’re one of those folks who like to play … the Lotto :) Courtesy of John Howell!

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This list was inspired by reading a story about a person who had a dream that they were a Lotto winner and went out and bought new cars before the drawing.

Ten Things Not to do if You Think You Are Going to Win a Contest of the Lotto

10 If you think you are going to win a contest or the Lotto, do not quit your day job until the drawing is over. If you do, at best your boss won’t take you seriously when you give a reason for resigning. At worst the Publisher Clearing House Award Team will knock on your door only to discover they have made a mistake, and your neighbor with the barking dog is the actual winner.

9 If you think you are going to win a contest or the Lotto, do not brag to your in-laws before the drawing. If you, at…

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Top Ten Writing Things Not to Discuss with Anyone Who’s Not a Writer #MondayBlogs

April 20th, 2015
Here’s a funny but all-too-true Top Ten list from John Howell that should resonate with every writer out there, published or not. Enjoy!

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This list has as inspiration personal experience in trying to discuss writing with non-writers. Hope you enjoy

Top Ten Writing Things Not to Discuss with Anyone Who’s Not a Writer

10 If you are a writer, do not discuss how hard it is to write. If you do, at best you get an eye roll. At worst, you be talking to someone who has to disarm bombs for a living and will laugh out loud in your face.

9 If you are a writer, do not discuss your characters as if they are real. If you do, at best you will find people avoiding you. At worst, you will be talking to someone who has an imaginary friend that they believe would be a perfect protagonist for your next book.

8 If you are a writer, do not discuss your latest plot breakthrough. If you do, at best you will…

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Ten Things Not to do When Changing TV, Phone, and Internet Providers

April 13th, 2015
Thinking about changing internet providers? Read this list of what not to do, courtesy of John Howell. Heed his warnings and you might avoid accidentally going off the grid.

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This list has as inspiration recently changing phone, internet, and TV providers. I wanted to get higher speed internet, and the local phone company had nothing faster, so I had to go to a new supplier. I bought a bundle including phone, internet, and TV.

Ten Things Not to Do When Changing Entertainment Providers

10 If you are changing entertainment providers, do not expect anything to work that day. If you do, at best you will be frustrated. At worst, you will need someone to apply some electroshock to bring you back from the heart attack.

9 If you are changing entertainment providers, do not let them touch anything until verifying the price. If you do, at best the price will be the same as agreed. At worst, some clod in the sales department quoted you a price on just half the equipment, and now the COD charge is twice…

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Top Ten Things Not to do When Taking Family Photos

March 30th, 2015
Are you the family photographer? The one who is always asked to take pictures during a family reunion or wedding or holiday dinner? If you are, then read on for tips on what not to do while taking family photos. If you are not, then read on anyway for all the reasons why you should be glad you are not the family photographer. Enjoy, courtesy of John Howell.

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This list was inspired by looking at a number of photos that have been posted on-line recently.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Taking Family Photos

10 If you are taking family photos, do not forget the background. If you do, at best you might have a stray person in the shot. At worst, you may have the perfect family park photo with a lovely backdrop of the trash receptacle.

9 If you are taking family photos, do not ignore what each person has in their hand. If you do, at best you’ll take photos which catch a bunch of red Solos. At worse, you may get a fine shot of everyone with red Solos as well as Uncle Jeff and his smoked turkey leg.

8 If you are taking family photos, do not let anyone pose without a shirt. If you do, at best you have to hope…

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