This top ten list courtesy of John Howell will make you glad you don’t go to bars anymore. But if you still go to bars … review this list before you go and beware of the pickled eggs :)
This list was inspired by listening to stories related by our house guests who had made the bar scene during the Memorial Day Weekend. All of these are hearsay and not a matter of personal experiences. I hope you enjoy.
Ten Things Not to do While Visiting a Bar
10 If you are visiting a bar, do not stand too close to someone expecting them to talk to you. If you do, at best they will move away. At worst, you might be surprised to find yourself an unwilling volunteer for a jujitsu demonstration with you as the victim.
9 If you are visiting a bar, do not order a flaming drink for any reason. If you do, at best you will confirm your narcissistic tendencies. At worst your concoction will catch the back bar on fire, and the four-alarm fire department cost will put your credit card into default.
This list has as inspiration personal experience in trying to discuss writing with non-writers. Hope you enjoy
Top Ten Writing Things Not to Discuss with Anyone Who’s Not a Writer
10 If you are a writer, do not discuss how hard it is to write. If you do, at best you get an eye roll. At worst, you be talking to someone who has to disarm bombs for a living and will laugh out loud in your face.
9 If you are a writer, do not discuss your characters as if they are real. If you do, at best you will find people avoiding you. At worst, you will be talking to someone who has an imaginary friend that they believe would be a perfect protagonist for your next book.
8 If you are a writer, do not discuss your latest plot breakthrough. If you do, at best you will…
This list has been inspired by numerous friends staying overnight and sad to say doing one or more of the things on the list. Since this week is Thanksgiving I thought it would be a good idea on posting some tips on behavior in case a visit to friends is in the cards. (Oh, I know you would never do any of these)
Ten Things Not to Do While Staying Overnight with Friends
10 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not ask “what’s for dinner?” if you do, at best you will come off as pretty a demanding guest. At worst, your host may send you out for fast food. (by yourself)
9 If you are staying overnight with friends, do not get sick in their bed. If you do, at best the stay will be very short. At worst, you may wake up in the backyard with…
This list was inspired by having the opportunity to be around some of my peers over the last couple of weeks. Also, Kevin Brennan author of Occasional Soulmates had a great post last Saturday about his 79-year-old mother. You can read that one HERE
10 If you are over seventy, make sure the foreign object you think is in your food is really there. If you don’t, at best the store manager will give you your money back but will give you that “old person” roll of the eyes. At worst, the object turns out to be your glasses that fell off while you were looking closely to find out what it was. This will be discovered by the customer service person surrounded by twenty other shoppers.
9 If you are over seventy, do not think you can ride a bicycle at top speed, wipe out and bounce like…
Here is the 55th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. I decided to publish this list in case anyone wants to do a Top Ten you will at least know some thought has been put in how to behave. Of course, the person who needs to behave is ME. If you would like to guest post a list of your own, contact me at johnhowell.wave@gmail.com
Top Ten Things Not to Do While Trying to Lure Attract Other Authors to do a Top Ten List
10. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not make them believe they will become rich and famous. If you do, at best they will overlook the one “like” and still speak to you. At worst, they could find a way to troll your blog for the rest of your life.
Here is the 54th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. I decided to publish this list in case anyone wants to do a Top Ten. If so, contact me at johnhowell.wave@gmail.com
Top Ten Things Not To Do While Creating Top Ten Lists
10. If you are creating a top ten list, do not wait until the last-minute before publication. If you do, at best you may have to go with nine. At worst, you might get stuck after two items which will lead to severe writer’s block which might transfer to your latest novel.
9. If you are creating a top ten list, do not ask your significant other how they like it. If you do, at best you might get an honest answer. At worst, you may find out your significant other and you have nothing what so ever in common and finally decide…
Here is the 21st installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.
Image credit: treatsforchickens.com
10. If you get a live bird for Thanksgiving, do not let your kids dress it up as a pilgrim. At best the bird might actually look good. At worst you’ll probably be having carryout for dinner after the kids discover what is going to happen to their new best friend.
9. If you decide to get a live bird for Thanksgiving, do not listen when it starts singing “gimmie three steps . . . gimmie three steps mister. . . Gimme three steps toward the door.” Chances are that your kids are playing Lynard Skynard too loud and you’ve already had too many celebratory drinks.
8. If you decide to get a live bird for Thanksgiving, do not watch the “Presidential Pardon” ceremony on TV with your kids. You will likely end up with the same problem as item #10.
7. If you decide to go hunting for your Thanksgiving turkey, be aware the turkey population has ways of fooling you into shooting a cow or your hunting partner. The turkey won’t care who gets hurts as long as it’s not a turkey.
6. If you plan on deep frying your Thanksgiving turkey, do not drop a cold icy bird into a giant vat of hot peanut oil. At best you will have an overflow of hot liquid that will take a lot of elbow grease to clean up. At worst you may burn down your house.
5. If your turkey is still frozen on Thanksgiving, do not invent a game where the turkey is used as a bowling ball with empty beer bottles as pins. It may sound fun after you’ve had all those before dinner drinks, but the clean-up of thawed bird and broken glass will be hell.
4. If you plan to serve fresh turkey on Thanksgiving, do not let the bird sit out as you would a frozen one. At best you’ll wind up with a precooked bird; at worst, you will all wind up seeing the friendly ER doctor in the early morning hours.
3. If you plan to serve tofu turkey for Thanksgiving, do not try and dress it up to look like an actual turkey. Your guests won’t be fooled and might actually wonder if you have lost your mind.
2. If you find that your turkey is too big for the refrigerator, do not put it out in the cold garage on the hood of the car. At best your cat may help itself and you’ll have shredded turkey for dinner. At worst you may forget the turkey is there until you’re making that frantic dash to the store for eggnog at which point you slam on the brakes, your turkey rolls off the hood and into the street, and then is run over by a Hummer.
1. If you have leftover turkey for Thanksgiving, do not try to disguise it in other forms. You are not on “Chopped” and good ole turkey is best served as itself.
Here is the 21st installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://atomic-temporary-3409443.wpcomstaging.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.
Image credit: treatsforchickens.com
10. If you get a live bird for Thanksgiving, do not let your kids dress it up as a pilgrim. At best the bird might actually look good. At worst you’ll probably be having carryout for dinner after the kids discover what is going to happen to their new best friend.
9. If you decide to get a live bird for Thanksgiving, do not listen when it starts singing “gimmie three steps . . . gimmie three steps mister. . . Gimme three steps toward the door.” Chances are that your kids are playing Lynard Skynard too loud and you’ve already had too many celebratory drinks.
8. If you decide to get a live bird for Thanksgiving, do not watch the “Presidential Pardon” ceremony on TV with your kids. You will likely end up with the same problem as item #10.
7. If you decide to go hunting for your Thanksgiving turkey, be aware the turkey population has ways of fooling you into shooting a cow or your hunting partner. The turkey won’t care who gets hurts as long as it’s not a turkey.
6. If you plan on deep frying your Thanksgiving turkey, do not drop a cold icy bird into a giant vat of hot peanut oil. At best you will have an overflow of hot liquid that will take a lot of elbow grease to clean up. At worst you may burn down your house.
5. If your turkey is still frozen on Thanksgiving, do not invent a game where the turkey is used as a bowling ball with empty beer bottles as pins. It may sound fun after you’ve had all those before dinner drinks, but the clean-up of thawed bird and broken glass will be hell.
4. If you plan to serve fresh turkey on Thanksgiving, do not let the bird sit out as you would a frozen one. At best you’ll wind up with a precooked bird; at worst, you will all wind up seeing the friendly ER doctor in the early morning hours.
3. If you plan to serve tofu turkey for Thanksgiving, do not try and dress it up to look like an actual turkey. Your guests won’t be fooled and might actually wonder if you have lost your mind.
2. If you find that your turkey is too big for the refrigerator, do not put it out in the cold garage on the hood of the car. At best your cat may help itself and you’ll have shredded turkey for dinner. At worst you may forget the turkey is there until you’re making that frantic dash to the store for eggnog at which point you slam on the brakes, your turkey rolls off the hood and into the street, and then is run over by a Hummer.
1. If you have leftover turkey for Thanksgiving, do not try to disguise it in other forms. You are not on “Chopped” and good ole turkey is best served as itself.
Here is the 20th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. This list has been prepared for all you campers who will be taking advantage of the Thanksgiving weekend. We hope you enjoy.
10. If you camp at a primitive campsite, do not forget to pack a sufficient amount of toilet paper for your stay. Yes, the added bulk and weight of the paper may seem burdensome in your backpack, but you will appreciate the luxury soon after you’ve eaten too much of the wrong kind of berries.
Here is the Nineteenth installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy. This list is in recognition of those who are planning to travel during the Thanksgiving holiday.
10. If you decide to drive your car when traveling, do not pack the trunk and backseat so that all the passengers need supplemental oxygen to stay alive.
9. While traveling in the car, do not think your favorite onion and limburger cheese sandwiches will go unnoticed when you go for a snack. If you do, you may find yourself on the roof with grandmother.
8. If you are the designated driver for a portion of the trip, do not think you can rest your eyes for even a moment. If you do, you may find permanent rest as well as a handsome marker on the side of the highway with your name on it.
7. If you should experience a flat tire while driving on a trip, do not attempt to instruct your spouse or traveling companion on the intricacies of changing a tire while you stand off to the side observing. If you do, you may be wearing the spare for the rest of the journey.
6. If you decide to take an airplane when traveling, do not try to tell security why your religion forbids taking off your shoes. If you do, you may find a full body search applied as the viable alternative.
5. When on an airplane while traveling, do not call a flight attendant by repeatedly pressing the flight attendant call button. If you do, your reward may just be a visit from Mr. Coffee in your lap.
4. When on an airplane while traveling, do not complain loudly and frequently about the lack of food or water. If you do, the flight crew might insure that you may get the same experience as you would on the ground at Guantanamo.
3. When on an airplane while traveling, do not attempt to recline your seat without asking the person behind you if it is OK. If you don’t ask, the passenger behind you may choose to see you later in the terminal where no air marshals are present.
2. When getting off the airplane and you are seated in the back row, do not try to push your way forward while other people are trying to retrieve their carry-on bags . If you do, you chance being kidnapped by Somali pirates and held for ransom. (Oh, if it only worked that way.)
1. When walking as a group through the air terminal while traveling, do not walk five abreast while counting the steps to baggage claim to see who wins the bet. If you do, here’s hoping a baggage cart slides sideways trying to stop, but connects with your group like you are ten pins in a bowling alley.
Marie at 1 Write Way 
