Marie at 1 Write Way

Five Things About 2023: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I always like to save the best (or good) for last hence my list is in reverse order.

The Ugly (1 thing)

Shortly after my mother died, my brother–my last remaining sibling–cut ties with me. His choice. In fact, his last words to me were “We’re done here. Don’t bother to contact me for anything further.”

Before my sister Shirley’s death, I had not spoken to or seen my brother in roughly ten years. I admit that I didn’t make an effort to see him when I visited home, nor did he make an effort to see me. After our sisters died, we started communicating, mainly about our mother since he was now her primary caretaker. We talked or texted daily after she fell and was in hospital and then after she died. He seemed to want my opinion about things. There were moments when I thought we might have a normal brother-sister relationship again.

Silly me.

All I needed to do to piss him  off was question how he was (or was not) executing our mother’s will.

The Bad (1 thing)

The bad was learning a lesson the hard way. When someone tells you, “it’s not about the money,” you can be sure that it’s always about the money.

The Good (3 things)

  1. My mother is at peace. I remind myself of this as often as I can because I feel selfish in my sadness that she’s no longer with us. I hadn’t been with her at Christmas for many years, but I always looked forward to calling her. The reality of not calling her this year, and of not sending her the wreath I would normally send, hit hard. I took myself offline so I wouldn’t have to pretend to be jolly. But now that Christmas has past, I feel a bit stronger, more able to embrace the fact that my mother is at peace.
  2. I am at peace with my mother. She had made certain stipulations in her will that were not being honored by her will’s executor. So I made it right in my own way. I honored her wishes and, in that way, eased some of my grief.
  3. We have a butterfly nursery. In early December, when nighttime temperatures threatened to dip into the low 30s, my husband brought in a couple of passionvine stems that had a couple of larvae (caterpillars) on them. He wanted to try and save them. Little did he know that there were also eggs on those stems. Over the next few weeks, I counted at least 20 chrysalis in our little tent nursery. The first emergence of a Zebra Longwing butterfly seemed like a miracle. And then two emerged. And then three. We’ve released seven to our backyard, near their favorite plants. And now we’re waiting. Either we’ll have more butterflies emerge or the remaining chrysalis will die. We do our part; Nature does the rest.
A lonely (but not for long) chrysalis.
Zebra Longwing butterfly larvae.
Two butterflies almost ready to be released.
My husband giving one butterfly a helping hand out of the nursery.

Here’s goodbye to 2023. Hello, 2024! I hope the New Year brings you as much peace and contentment as brushing Raji brings to him.

Raji and his favorite brush.

Marie A Bailey

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55 responses to “Five Things About 2023: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly”

  3. I love the reverse order of the information. So we get to end on the wonderful butterflies. I grieve sibling estrangements (and how often it involves money, which I’m convinced at some level mine did). I’m glad you’ve constructed your own peace with your mom. May your 2024 be as much of a beautiful surprise as the butterflies.

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    • Oh, thank you! It never fails to sadden me how petty these sibling estrangements can be (there’s plenty of others in my family). So I’m thankful for friends like you and the butterflies 🦋. Happy New Year 🎆

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  4. The reverse order is a good idea. I’m sorry about your mother and your brother and all the feelings tied up with family and the holiday season. BUT, your husband, your cats, and butterflies–some pretty great things. 💙
    Here’s to love, joy, and wonder in 2024!

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  6. Thank you for sharing. I know how you miss your mother. I miss mine so bad sometimes it hurts. She passed in 2003. Sorry about the sibling estrangement it can be difficult dealing with family. And I am so excited about the butterflies. What a wonderful thing to watch and be a part of. Have a happy new year!!!!

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    • Thank you, Eileen. I’m wishing you and yours good things too. We’ve only had the passionvine since May and it’s been a huge hit among the Zebras and Gulf Frittilaries. A few of the frittilary larvae wound up in our nursery, but, sadly, none of them have turned into butterflies. We’re still hoping, though 🤞

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  9. Welcome back. I’m sorry that your brother isn’t doing his job as the executor. Our’s was fairly easy as my parents had divided everything between the three of us equally, with the exception of some antique linens my mom wanted me to have. We all treated it as fine if anyone wanted something – there wasn’t a lot of money involved in things like furniture or jewelry, so it was settled pretty easily. Hasn’t the court asked questions and gotten a forensic accounting? I had to keep really good records.

    Raji looks so relaxed. I wish Zoe would let me brush her. I’ve taken to gently cutting out small mats when she wants to cuddle. She doesn’t seem to mind the bald spots but she adamantly refuses the brush.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Some cats do hate to be brushed. Junior never liked it although he enjoyed having his head scratched. 😺

      I was told by the court that there was no deadline for filing a Will, and if I had issues, I best get a lawyer. Since my concern was for the rights of another beneficiary, not for me, I decided not to do anything and to fulfill the other beneficiary’s rights as best as I could myself. 😊

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      • Our lawyer was always pressing for getting things done. They don’t do that much but they get paid when everything is put together and documented for the court. It was a weird process as far as I was concerned. I’m just glad there was no one getting upset. I hope things are resolved for you and your family.

        Yes, Zoe loves her head and back scratched but hates all the brushes I’ve tried. She’s a bit old and crotchety. I can picture her yelling at cat-kids to get off of her lawn!

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        • I hear you about the old and crotchety cats. Wendy is already like that (she’s at least 11), more likely to swat at you than purr 😉

          I did think about getting a lawyer but I was afraid I’d lose control over the situation. Our own lawyer advised me to confront my brother which I did and which led to him cutting ties with me. It’s not the lawyer’s fault, of course, but it show me how things could go from bad to worse 🙄

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  11. So touching post and inspiring lines 🙏💖🤔 Prayers 🙏
    The butterfly farm so awesome and photos showing life , become a Butterfly 👍🌹
    May this 2024 brings lots of love, peace and happiness dear friend 💖🌲💐👏🏼

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  13. Hi, Marie. We have something in common when it comes to a brother. And yes, it is about the money.
    And what a coincidence to see you have a butterfly nursery! Have you seen the movie May December on Netflix? There’s one in that too. 🙂 Happy New Year!

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    • Jennifer, that is one thing I wish we didn’t have in common … although I have to admit, I appreciate not being an outlier ;-) I have not seen May December so I’ll put it on my list. I hope we’re better prepared next year. Our “nursery” is so small. At least the butterflies have been emerging only one or two at a time. Today we released Number 14! A great way to start the first day of the new year.

      Happy New Year!

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  14. Wow, you and I are on such parallel tracks. Like you, I’m ending the year flooded with thoughts about my mom, and I’m dealing with an all-but-estranged brother. I try to keep to only happy things about Mom (the non-happy ones had nothing to do with her tho), but as for the brother, none of us can make someone do something he doesn’t want to do. I’ll spend 2024 trying to understand him.

    On that note, Happy New Year, Marie! 🎉🍾🎈

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  16. As hard as it must be, sometimes we just have to let it go because it will poison us to keep it. Your goods are wonderful! How cool to have saved those butterflies and be able to watch them transform!

    Here’s wishing you a wonderful 2024 filled with love and laughter, good health and wonder!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Happy New Year! Thank you for reading and leaving a comment. I’m sorry to hear that you struggle with your relationship with your brother, but I do believe there are a lot of us in that situation. I think it improves for you, or at least you find peace with it.

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    • Thank you, RoseMary. Sibling relationships are tough, although my relationship with my sister Shirley was easy … because she was easy to be with. Not like the rest of us ;-)

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  19. Thanks for sharing your summation [?] of 2023 here. You had a difficult year yet you seem to be adjusting to your new realities in ways that make sense to you. I agree that when someone says it’s not about the money, it is about the money. A bit of cynicism goes a long way toward making life more understandable. And a bit of hope goes even farther toward making a new year grand. Happy New Year!

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  20. I’m sorry your brother didn’t see the value of a relationship with someone as valuable as you are. I hope one day he realizes that.
    Happy New Year, Marie! It’s great that you have a butterfly garden! You have a butterfly I’ve never seen!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, L. Marie. My brother is such a narcissist. Even if he came to value a relationship with me, he’d never admit it 🤷🏼‍♀️
      The Zebra Longwing is a southern butterfly. They are usually very active so having a nursery has really helped with getting good photos of them 🙂

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  22. My sympathies for your loss Marie, and good for you for moving on despite the issues with your brother. Wishing you peace and moments of joy now that the calendar page has turned and you can move ahead.

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