Here is the 38th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.
10. When choosing to adopt a pet, do not go to the animal shelter without your significant other to help you make a decision. If you do go without your significant other, at best your significant other will forgive you for bringing home a cat with an ear-piercing howl and buy you both a lifetime supply of earplugs so you can at least sleep through the night. At worst, your significant other may start talking about the need to “see other people, particularly people without cats.”
9. When choosing to adopt a pet, do not assume that just because Newfoundland puppies are cute and a perfect size for cuddling, that they will always be a perfect size for cuddling. At best, you may learn to not mind when you get pushed off the bed when your grown-up, 130-pound Newfoundland stretches out next to you. At worst, you may have to design a harness and pulley system to get your grown-up, 130-pound Newfoundland off your lap.
8. When choosing to adopt a pet, do not think just because the ferrets at the pet store were all asleep during your visit the one you picked will spend most of its time sacked out. At best, you won’t mind playing daily games of hide-and-seek as your ferret playmate finds new places to hide in your home. At worst, you may find those new places to hide involve the ferret eating holes in your upholstery causing you to buy a new suite of living room furniture every week.
7. When choosing to adopt a pet, do not think that your regular vacuum cleaner will suffice for cleaning up the hair shed by the white Himalayan cat you desire. At best, you will be properly advised, causing you to purchase a top-of-the-line model. At worst, you may have to learn to live with having your brown velour furniture look like it has been blanketed with snow.
6. When choosing to adopt a pet, do not think bringing home a python will do much to improve your social life. At best, you and the animal control officer who was called out to your house after your neighbors complained may fall in love and together you will find a proper home for the python. At worst, you may be confronted by a mob of your neighbors after your python repeatedly escapes and the small animals in your neighborhood disappear.
5. When choosing to adopt a pet, do not think that cats are more hygienic than dogs. While generally that may be true, at best, you may find your new cat poops outside its litter box only when you provide it a food that it doesn’t like (and thereby quickly training you to give it what it wants when it wants it). At worst, your cat may eventually eschew the litter box altogether causing you to invest heavily in wee-wee pads and kitty diapers and daily meditations of “Fluffy is a good kitty. Fluffy is a good kitty.”
4. When choosing to adopt a pet, do not assume that little Fido’s incessant yipping is something he will simply outgrow. At best, you may wind up deciding at least you no longer need a security system for your home since Fido emits a series of high-pitched yips at every movement behind your door or window. At worst, you may invest in a series of expensive sessions to train Fido not to yip only to learn that Fido is as Fido does—YIP!
3. When choosing to adopt a pet, do not assume simply training your German Shepherd Gunther to obey commands gets you a pass at keeping your dog on a lease in public places. At best, joggers will quickly learn to stop running when they see Gunther so he will not chase them as you call in vain for Gunther to “Heel!” At worst, the next jogger whose crotch Gunther sticks his nose into will be an employee of the police force who will be more than happy to write up a series of citations against you and to confiscate Gunther for conscription into the police dog unit.
2. When choosing to adopt a pet, do not assume fish would be a good choice if you live in an apartment where pets are not allowed. At best, your landlord never visits your apartment and you manage to keep your relationship with George, your oscar cichlid, a secret. At worst, your landlord may catch you in the elevator with the new aquarium for George which you had to buy because he doubled in size, and your landlord doesn’t buy the story that you plan to use the aquarium for a sitz bath.
1. When choosing to adopt a pet, do not think you will be able to stop at just one. At best, you may learn to accept the fact that animals will gravitate toward a warm heart and a safe home, meaning you and yours. At worst, you will find yourself having to make accommodations for your pets in your will since as you get older, your willingness to rescue abandoned animals has grown greater.
1 Write Way 
24 responses to “Top Ten Things Not To Do When Choosing To Adopt a Pet”
#9 makes me think of something a friend told me. People seem to buy Mastiff puppies without realizing how big they get. That seems to be sadly common for the breed. Makes me wonder how hard it is for people to take a few seconds to look up pictures of the dog breed.
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People can be very irrational when buying pets. Pet stores should have scale models of adult dogs so people can see just how much bigger that cute little puppy will get. That said, my nephew had a Newfoundland that he and his ex-wife purchased many years ago with full knowledge of how big she would get (sadly, she passed away last year, but she had a longer than average life). Although Newfoundland get huge, they have great temperaments and are very gentle around children. She was a sweet dog. Imagine, a huge black, hairy dog named Daisy 🙂
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Even without models, a picture would probably help. Though the scale models could be fun for the puppies to play with. I think a lot of people simply get into the ‘high’ of buying a pet, so they don’t think long-term about it. Kind of like how kids will push for a pet snake, which grows far too big. Then trouble ensues.
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Unfortunately in Florida, it’s the adults who want the snakes, particularly the big ones. Now we have pythons in the Everglades. Stupid is as stupid does.
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Yup. Not just pythons too from what I remember reading. Some anaconda/burmese python hybrid that is huge and aggressive. One of my cousins lives down there and went on a python hunt. Didn’t find anything.
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This is a great post, Marie! Many people adopt a pet for the wrong reasons. I laughed at #6, anyone who thinks a python would improve their social life should think again. I would stay far away from any house where a python resided. Happy Monday!
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Good Morning Marie. Great list. All our pets have been adopted and I guess we have stumbled enough to finally figure it out. Have a great week.
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I didn’t see birds mention. We have a small cockatiel. He sings from time to time and we water and feed him like the flowers. On occasion, we let him out to fly around or move him out onto the porch. I like him.
Once upon a time, my husband brought home a scarlett eclectus parrot. Big red bird. Big beak. She bonded with him and hated me. After she drew blood three times (and almost crushed my finger) we sent her to live in Puerto Rico with a neighbor’s mother. Never again. I wish we had read up on these parrots before he came home with her.
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My husband had a “rescue” macaw when he was a Peace Corps volunteer in Ecuador. He used to scratch its belly and the bird used to clean his fingernails 😉 I’m sorry you had such a bad experience, but I’m glad you are enjoying your cockatiel 🙂
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I think this might be the perfect solution! http://youtu.be/3gpYlff6NqY
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I want a purple Perfect Polly!
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I killed my pet fish……..no more pets since.
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I admire people who know their limits with pets. Too many don’t.
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I had to run screaming as soon as I saw the word “ferret.” Other than the biting, the horrendous odor, and the atrocious bathroom habits, Ferrets are lovely.
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Ha ha ha … whenever I see them at the pet store, they are always sleeping and then they look so cute. But personally I don’t think ferrets should pets, any more than raccoons should be 🙂
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I had a girlfriend with a ferret that had biting issues. When your face is bleeding after a blindside attack, it’s very difficult to resist practicing your fastball with the critter.
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Reminds me of the killer rabbit in Monty Python and The Holy Grail.
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Trust me, that entire room needed a good cleaning courtesy of the Holy Hand-Grenade of Antiok.
one… two… four!
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you’re cracking me up!
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Will it crack you up more to know that my father thinks Monty Python is one person and that his name is “Marty Pylon.” As in, “That Marty Pylon sure is a riot!” Oh, Dads.
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ROFL!
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Oh my goodness this is so perfect! Love the one about the snake! 🙂 I’ll keep this in mind when I pick out my puppy…though I know I’d never be able to stop at just one!!!
Hope you’re doing well and have a lovely weekend!
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Hey, Briana! So you’re going to get a puppy? Friends of mine had an Australian shepherd. Smartest dog I ever met (and beautiful) and she was great at herding people as well as animals 😉
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LOL! Australian Shepherds are gorgeous, but I’m leaning towards a Catahoula or Great Pyrenees to keep the lions and coyotes at bay! 🙂
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