The Top Ten List of What Not To Do at a First Job Interview

Here is the second installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not To Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com.  These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday.  We hope you enjoy.

For your first job interview:

10.  Do not bring your cat.  For one, the interviewer may be allergic to cats.  For another, the cat may take that opportunity to gift a massive hairball on the interviewer’s desk.

9.  Do not go on a bender the night before.  The interviewer may not take kindly to you smelling like a vat of fermenting wine or worse adding a hairball of your own making to the desk.

8.  Do not choose this as an opportunity to express your inner punk by sporting a blue Mohawk hair style.  With your luck, the interviewer will likely be a former Marine who will want to shave off that blue hair personally with a dull jungle knife.

7. Do not show up wearing your gardening clothes.  This may confuse the interviewer as to whether you’re there for the interview or you’re just one of the landscape crew.

6. Do not offer as one of your weaknesses that you are a procrastinator, even if it is true.  In response, the interviewer may procrastinate about whether to tell you that you don’t have the job.

5.  Do not take the opportunity to go through the interviewer’s desk if you are left alone during the interview.  Chances are the interviewer will be back before you know it and accuse you of stealing the change kept hidden in the bottom drawer.

4. Do not tweet during the interview.  While you may think tweeting is evidence that you are “hip” to social media, the interviewer may tweet later that you are a social idiot.

3.  Do not complain about your ex-spouse or ex-lover or ex-anything during the interview.  Such disclosures will only make the interviewer wonder what you will be like as an ex-employee.

2. Do not come to the interview and say “I’ve applied for so many jobs.  Which one is this?”  Chances are the interviewer will counter with “I’ve had so many job applicants.  Who the hell are you?”

1.  Do not hug the interviewer at any time before, during or after the interview.  At best, the interviewer will simply turn red-faced and throw your resume into the “Do Not Call Back” pile.  At worst, the interviewer will sue you for sexual harassment.

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24 Comments

  1. LMAO…..people probably really do these things or worse, that’s what makes it so funny. My girlfriend’s daughter left for a job interview in an office wearing a tank top and baggy pants with her underwear showing and a hoodie…needless to say, she came home with a, “Don’t call us, we’ll call you!”

    Reply
    • I’ve sat on job interviews where some of these things actually happened. It absolutely stunning what some people do in an interview! Glad you enjoyed the list!

      Reply
  2. I’ve experienced the reverse: A inappropriately dressed and behavinf interviewer. I showed up to interview for a sales position and the manager was wearing a white satin jacket with the company logo in pink lettering. He also stopped the interview in the middle to answer a call from his bookie. I decided against pursuing that position.

    Reply
    • LMAO!! Yeah, there were several reasons right there for you to not go for the position :). Thanks for sharing.

      Reply
  3. Hey! No Fair. Your cat looks better than mine. :-)

    Reply
  4. I will do my best to remember. Thanks for the tip!

    Reply
  5. LOL! This is too good! I like #8 and #1! I’ll make sure never to do any of this! :)

    Reply
    • Really? I think you would lovely in a blue Mohawk ;). Really, I can’t imagine you as being anything but the perfect interviewee … Unless you forget to take your chaps off ;)

      Reply
  6. These are hilarious! I was an employment manager for several years at a medical center and interviewed so many people who were clueless about interview etiquette. Although, I’m a cat lover, so I may not have minded if they brought their cats in.

    Reply
    • I’ve had the opportunity to sit in on a number of interviews and some of these things really happened ;) Except for the cat … I read about that somewhere. I’m a cat person too so I probably would enjoy it if someone brought their cat to an interview.

      Reply
  7. I almost peed my pants laughing, especially when the list started with, ‘do not bring your cat’

    Reply
  8. Excellent – gave me a real giggle. Interviews are nerve wracking enough as it is, without worrying about your cat, your hair and your social graces! :-)

    Reply
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